Shadows of the Moon
by Leareth
Summary: A close look at the dichotomy between Yue/Yukito and how he comes to terms with being who he is. Note - this is based on the original Card Captor Sakura manga, not the anime, and definately NOT the CardCaptors dub.
1. Shadows of the Moon prologue

Shadows of the Moon - Prologue

Shadows of the Moon

****

By Leareth

Prologue

"It is finished."

"Ho-e?"

"The end of the trial. I, Judgement Maker Yue, recognise you, Sakura, as the new Master of the Clow Cards."

It is finished. I have a new Master. She is so unlike Clow; she is young, still a child, and she has not come into her full power. But, perhaps, the greatest difference . . .

She wants to be my friend.

Much as I loved Clow, he didn't care for me in the same way. He was my Master, my creator. His affection for me was as a parent to a child, but even so his mind was on the greater plan, not the individuals. And so he left me, abandoned me if you will, telling me find another one to call Master. I did not want a replacement for Clow. I wished that I could sleep forever in the book and forget the hurt.

But no. I was released into the world and could not sleep. I was created for a purpose, to Judge. Even then, Clow took the decision out of my hands. The next Master was already chosen according to his plan.

I have done all that I can.

What do I do now?

In my introspection the Card Captor has collapsed in front of me. With a pang of guilt, I realise that my duty is not over. My Master is still a young girl-child, and in need of the Guardians' protection.

But despite appearances, Sakura is strong. Before I can go to her aid, she awakes. Standing up, the Clow Cards fly to their new Master. However, even as this last proof of her authority is made evident, I feel a tremor pass through my body.

"Sakura." She looks up at me. "Even though you are the new Master, you are not yet strong enough to maintain Kerberos and I."

She looks alarmed. "Don't worry," says the golden lion standing beside her, wings folded. "We'll stick around in our temporary forms. But when you get into trouble, we'll release the seal and return to our true forms. We'll look after you."

Even as Kerberos speaks, I can feel the transformation taking place all on its own. I cannot stay as Yue. The glowing golden seal of the Clow shimmers into existence under my feet. White wings falling, long hair disappearing, eyes fading. My clothes shift into a simple blazer and school uniform. I seem to exist in two places at once – or is it one place?

I slip into the back of Yukito's mind.

* * * * * * *

Yukito blinked back the haze of disorientation as a fuzzy blur resolved itself into Sakura Kinomoto. Where was he? It looked like the Tsukimine Shrine but . . . 

"What am I doing here?" he asked. Sakura was taken aback at this, but then seemed to listen intently to the little toy on her shoulder. Yukito was in no condition to take notice of it. He rubbed his eyes – they felt like they were weighed down with sand.

Replacing his glasses, he looked around and that only served to confuse him further. Yukito was standing on shaky legs in the Tsukimine Shrine with a worried Sakura in front of him. The girl was dressed in a rather fantastic sun-and-moon dress – Yukito wondered if she and Li were on their way to a fancy dress party. Or maybe they and Tomoyo were just making another home movie – the sable-haired girl had her camera in hand. Yes, that was it, a home movie and they were using the shrine and Mizuki-sensei was helping them! But then, what was he doing there? Had he offered to help and forgotten?

Yukito shook his head, trying to remember. It wasn't like him to forget such things. He felt the first stirrings of panic as he realised the last hour or so was a complete blank.

What had happened?

If only he wasn't so tired . . .

The world swam in front of his eyes and his long legs collapsed beneath him. He vaguely noticed Sakura leaning towards him with a worried look. His limbs wouldn't obey his commands to prevent him from falling over and Sakura wasn't strong enough to catch him . . . Yukito braced himself for a hard greeting with the floor of the shrine.

It never came. Yukito sank into a pair of arms that came out of nowhere and held him closely, lowering him gently to the ground. However they did not release him right away, but rather, cradled him protectively. Yukito looked up into a pair of deep blue eyes filled with worry.

"To . . . To-ya?"

Yukito didn't think his friend heard him. The ever-present darkness enveloped him before the name left his lips.

* * * * * * *

Have you ever wondered what happens when you sleep? Though there is complete darkness and the body cannot move, the consciousness wanders. When Yukito sleeps, it allows me to think without his emotions clouding my mind. And at the moment I need to think without distraction. I have problems I cannot find answers to.

I am aware of Yukito's feelings – indeed in sometimes they are so intense I cannot tell if they are his or mine. There is his affection for Sakura, the Card Captor, as if she was his own sister and the care he displays towards her friends Tomoyo and Li Syaoran. But most of all, what I – no Yukito, feels for Touya goes far, far beyond one would expect a friend to harbor to another.

This emotion is disturbing. I had felt it once and all it did was leave me open to a pain that would not begin to heal until I took this form, which allows me, for a little while, to forget. But what is even more disturbing is the question of who really feels this love – Yue, or Yukito.

It cannot be my feelings. I am not supposed to feel these things. I was created to be the most impartial of Judges, to be detached from emotions and all the baggage that comes with them. I will not let myself to feel these things.

The last time I let myself be untrue to my nature, Clow died, leaving me alone. And the pain from his loss is something I do not wish to feel again.

Deep within myself however, I know that I want to feel these emotions, to be more than just a Card, a creation. What scares me the most, is that this unconscious desire is manifesting itself in my false form. Though Yukito is a complete person in himself, at some level he is myself, the embodiment of everything I want to be.

Surely this isn't true! I laugh derisively at my flight of fancy without humor. 

It is but a theory, I try to reassure myself. I am meant to look at the facts, and judge for myself what the truth is. And there is no proof that Yukito is my unconscious self, as I am his unconscious self.

But even as I told myself this, I know there is proof. Much as I try to deny it, I do at some level of my being that I refuse to acknowledge, feel something more for the brother of the Card Captor. He is so much like Clow – tall, dark, powerful in his own way. But unlike Clow, Touya is far, far more caring.

Though I have tried to tell myself that I feel nothing, I cannot help it. And my desires show themselves in Yukito. Yukito loves Touya for his own reasons, of course, but ultimately, the initial attraction has come from me.

This scares me. Am I not being true to what Clow made me to be? He is my Master – 

- but not any more. Sakura is the new Mistress of the Clow Cards and Clow is dead. My loyalties should now be to her. And she has told me to be her friend.

Do I like Sakura? Do I want to be friends with her? Yukito already loves her – but he isn't me. And even though Sakura is my Master, she isn't Clow Reed. He fell ill and died, never to return.

I should stop searching for him. I have my duty to fulfil now, to protect the new Master of the Cards. 

Do I have any other reason to exist apart from duty?

* * * * * * *

Yukito easily lifted the suitcase and carried it over to the taxi, handing it over to Touya who grimaced.

"You don't have to help," grumbled the other boy as he placed the suitcase inside the boot. "You shouldn't exert yourself."

"I'm okay," replied Yukito. He smiled, and kept the expression until Touya grudgingly gave in with a reluctant smile of his own. How like To-ya to be so worried over the ones he cared about. Though why he didn't like the boy Syaoran he wasn't sure. The boy wasn't bad, and Yukito was sure that the little struggle he had had with Sakura when he first arrived was all a misunderstanding.

Yukito always tried to see the best in people.

A little distance away from them, Mizuki-sensei was speaking quietly with the three children. It seemed to be quite an interesting conversation, if the expressions of the children were anything to go by. Sakura was a pretty blush pink, though it was nothing compared to Li's beet-root red face. Only Tomoyo seemed anything resembling calm, but then again, he had never seen the sable-haired girl ruffled. Yukito turned in search of any more bags to load, and finding none, walked over to the group as Touya called out behind him that he was finished. In response, the beautiful red-haired teacher hurried over.

She was such a nice person, thought Yukito, as Mizuki-sensei gave him a smile.

Sakura was staring at him strangely. She was so lost in her thoughts that she didn't even notice when he bent over to ask her what was wrong. He good-naturedly let the matter go and returned his thoughts to the mystery that had been plaguing him for the last two days.

"But why did I suddenly faint like that at the Tsukimine Shrine?" he wondered aloud.

For some reason Sakura was looking very uncomfortable. Not just her, but the boy Li as well. Even the usually calm Tomoyo had a faint blush on her cheeks. Yukito scratched his head as Sakura almost too hastily introduced a topic of conversation.

"I wonder if you can send flowers by mail," began Sakura.

"Eh? Why's that?" replied Li, just a little too loudly.

"So I can send Mizuki sensei some of her favorite flowers . . ."

"Mm!" said Yukito. "That's a great idea!"

"You'd have to send them by express . . ." said Tomoyo.

Yukito let his attention drift slightly. He was feeling much better now, after that afternoon at the Shrine. But he had never suffered from such things before and the fact that he had for no apparent reason collapsed disturbed him. What was more worrying was that he couldn't remember a single thing from after that fiery blast. Had he fainted twice that day? And he hadn't been in the Shrine when he fainted – so how had he ended up there? And Sakura hadn't been wearing a costume when he last remembered either.

So many things that didn't fit. It unsettled him.

"But how long would it take to send flowers to England?"

Yukito looked back over his shoulder. Behind him, he saw Mizuki-sensei take Touya's arm and bring him to a more private place for a conversation they obviously did not want others to overhear. Every now and then they would look up, sometimes at Sakura, once at Yukito but more often than not they looked at each other. Yukito watched them with an unfamiliar feeling – sad? disappointed? wistful? 

He knew that there was some history between his best friend and the beautiful substitute teacher, before he had met Touya. They had separated when Mizuki-sensei had left, but now she had returned, if only for a little while and it looked like at one stage that maybe they were to start again anew.

He should be happy for his friend, Yukito sighed. But still . . .

With a friendly slap on the back, Mizuki-sensei turned away from Touya and waved towards them. By now she was ready to leave, and so the children and Yukito joined Touya in saying their farewells. Best wishes and promises to keep in touch all around, then Touya led the children away. Yukito turned to follow, but was halted when Mizuki-sensei took his arm.

"Eh?" Yukito asked curiously. 

Mizuki-sensei looked at him directly, as if into the furthest reaches of his mind.

Yukito's hazel eyes went blank as his mind slept.

* * * * * * *

What's this? Kaho-san is speaking directly to me, and not Yukito?

"You should not be jealous, Judgement Maker," she says. Her words seem to penetrate past Yukito's awareness. My false form's face is blank, as he does not hear her. But I hear her. I remembered her saying that she had a little power, and this is perhaps why she can go past my false self and talk directly to me.

"I care for Touya-kun, yes, but not in the way you think," Kaho continues, though I am unable to reply. "And I am not the one he truly loves. As for you, perhaps you should think about what Clow Reed wanted for you, and why he left you."

She turns around and looks over my shoulder. I sense that Sakura is approaching. Mizuki-sensei waves her hand slightly, and the moment passes before I can ask what she means.

* * * * * * *

Yukito blinked and rubbed his forehead.

"What happened?" he asked. He wavered slightly where he stood, legs suddenly unsteady as if his muscles had been tensed and suddenly relaxed. There was someone behind him, and Yukito realised that Sakura had come up right beside him without him noticing. But Sakura usually walked quite heavily . . .

Mizuki-sensei smiled and reached out a hand to steady him. "You haven't fully recovered from your fainting spell. I advise that you get a lot of rest."

"I'll take care of Yukito-san!" chirped Sakura. 

Yukito smiled at her, then at Mizuki-sensei. "I think I shall take your advice. I hope we shall see you again soon," he said, extending his hand.

Mizuki-sensei smiled and shook it. Yukito smiled as she climbed into the taxi, turned and walked back to Touya and the others as Kaho Mizuki was driven away, long red hair blowing about her face and the children calling farewell. 

[Author's Notes][1] | [Chapter One][2] | [Home][3]

   [1]: shadowsnotes.html
   [2]: shadows1.html
   [3]: http://www.envy.nu/leareth/index2.html



	2. Shadows of the Moon ch 1

Shadows of the Moon

Shadows of the Moon

By Leareth

Chapter One

I hope that everything will go back to how it was before the Judgement, when I could sleep, dream, barely aware of Yukito as everyday he awoke, attended school, spent time with all the ones who care for him, ending a normal day in contented slumber. But things can never be quite that way again, although it may seem to. I have been jolted into full awareness and I see Yukito's life as he lives it.

It also means that I can no longer hide from what I fear, what I want and the questions that have plagued me ever since Clow died.

Since I am awake and fully conscious at the back of Yukito's mind, always watching, any unconscious feeling and desire I feel will appear in my false form. And every time it happens, it again causes to question my very identity.

I no longer know who I really am. Created as the detached Judge Yue, but I have spent years nearly asleep, dreaming Yukito's life. I had taken other forms before, but never so completely. 

These other ones never truly existed as _themselves, for it was my mind behind the face playing the puppeteer. These other forms had never allowed me to forget the pain after Clow's death, and it was to try to escape that pain that I created, with pain-staking care, Tsukishiro Yukito. A person I never was, and someone I fantasised myself to be, if I was human. A person who would not be lonely, who could be loved, a person who could feel and display his emotions without fear._

We all have our dreams.

Sometimes I dream of what would happen if I could truly become Yukito. I wish I could. Then maybe I wouldn't be lonely anymore.

Until that day, if and when it ever comes, I will know of Yukito's emotions without really experiencing for myself, as if I watch my fantasy from out in the audience.

*******

Yukito smiled as he gazed out his bedroom window at the beginning of yet another beautiful day. Then again, all days were beautiful to him; cloudy days, rainy days, hot summer days, he could find something to admire in all of them. There was a bright side to every situation, there was good in everyone.

His grandparents were away, as they often were, but Yukito didn't mind. He wanted them to enjoy themselves, and he was well able to take care of himself. Oh, there had been that strange day when he had kept fainting and blacking out – but his friends had been there to help him and he hadn't had any spells since then.

In his characteristic good humor, Yukito readied himself for school, ate the usual large breakfast, checked the house and left. He smiled as he strolled to the usual corner. One of the best parts of the day was coming up.

The trees lining the meeting place were full with their flowers. Looking up, the sun peeking through and onto his face, Yukito closed his eyes as a light breeze swept through, catching the looser cherry-blossoms and sweeping them along.

It was lovely. 

_Why do I enjoy this, some part of him asked in wonderment._

Because it is beautiful, Yukito immediately replied.

_Chirr . . .chirr . . .chirr . . ._

Sound of wheels on pavement. Yukito looked down the path. A welcome pair was coming quickly towards him, the muffled sound of bickering barely audible over the skates and bike. A familiar voice called his name, the name only one person used and Yukito smiled again.

"Yukito-san!" exclaimed Sakura, blushing in her usual way as she cruised to an abrupt stop in front of him, clasping her hands in front of her face. The girl was adorably cute in her school uniform, auburn hair framing her face and two large green eyes peered shyly up into his own hazel owns. 

"Good morning, Sakura-chan," greeted Yukito warmly. Then the rider of the bike braked to a controlled halt and his smile softened.

"Hello, To-ya."

"Yuki."

There could be no greater contrast to Yukito than his best friend. Touya was tall, dark hair just falling into his blue eyes as opposed to Yukito's more effeminate and pale features. Personality wise, they were just as different, one more reserved and silent, the other open and friendly. 

For some reason, Yukito had a flashed image of another person, superimposed over Touya's image. A man, tall and darkly handsome like his friend, but older and with an aura of overwhelming power. There were feelings that accompanied the image – sadness, confusion but also a feeling of frustration, as if someone was close, yet far away.

Yukito blinked, but the sensation passed as if it had never happened.

"Yuki? What's up?"

"Nothing. I'm fine."

Touya gave his friend one of his rare smiles and wordlessly offered his help, as was the ritual, and Yukito climbed on the bike's back pillion seat for the daily ride to school, Sakura skating alongside. Holding lightly to his friend's waist, he kept up a light conversation. Now and again he would say something that would cause Sakura to blush adorably, and he would smile at her – which caused her to turn even redder.

She was so cute. He wished he had a little sister like her.

Sometimes Touya would add his own input – usually in the form of some brotherly insult to his sister. Yukito laughed, pretending not to see the glares the girl sent to her older sibling as they made their way to school.

*******

I find school interesting. It is a chance to learn new things every day, not just the facts and theories that the teacher up the front raises, but also a chance for me to learn about people. There is a wealth of personalities to observe, relationships and interactions that are endlessly fascinating. 

A trio of girls chatter and giggle over by the window, waving to a fourth that enters the class. In the middle of the, a large group of boys loll over the chairs and sit on the tables, their voices loud and rough behavior good natured. Topics of discussion range from the banal to the in-depth, though most at the moment seems to be the homework the teacher is expected to dose out today like bad medicine. Over in the far corner a young couple sits, making use of a little private time before the class begins, attentions are focused wholly on each other.

Normal people living normal lives. Everything that makes up what it is to be human.

Perhaps I can learn.

*******

Yukito took his place at the desk to Touya's right, putting his rather large bag of food away. He grinned at the look his friend gave.

"I wonder how you can eat so much and still stay as thin as a stick," joked Touya as the stragglers filed into the room to their respective desks.

"It tastes good," replied Yukito with a smile. Then he looked up as the teacher entered the classroom, leaving the door open behind him.

"Stand. Bow. Sit."

In accordance to the class representative's commands, the class greeted the teacher. The man nodded to them all then coughed before speaking.

"Today I'd like to introduce a new transfer student into our class," said the teacher. He looked towards the door and gestured for the person outside to come in.

Yukito – and the entire class looked at the newcomer. A girl, rather pretty with long, strawberry blond, almost pinkish hair entered and gave the room a big smile. Though not exceedingly tall, there was the hint of strength with her well-built arms and legs. She looked around the room and her smile seemed to grow wider as her eyes fell on Touya. When her gaze moved to Yukito, her grin seemed to become ever so slightly sly.

"I'm Akizuki Nakuru!" she said brightly. "Nice to meet you all!"

The teacher nodded and pointed to an empty desk to Touya's left. "You can sit next to Kinomoto-san there."

Akizuki's smile never faded as she crossed the distance from the front of the room to the desk. She sat down, pinkish hair falling about her shoulders and turned her grin onto Touya.

"You're Kinomoto-san?" she said to him.

Touya looked at her sideways. "Yeah, I'm Kinomoto Touya. This is my best friend, Tsukishiro Yukito," he said, gesturing to the young man to his right.

Yukito smiled. "Hello."

Akizuki didn't seem to hear him. "Do you like sports, Touya-kun?" she asked.

Touya frowned at the use of his name, but didn't correct her on it. "I play soccer," he replied warily.

"Ooh, can I watch you sometime?" begged Akizuki, tugging on Touya's sleeve. Yukito watched, not coming to his friend's rescue though there was no way he could have missed the agitated expression of Touya's face.

*******

Yukito is too nice sometimes. If I could, I would step between them without hesitation and tell the girl quite firmly that she shouldn't behave like that. As it is, all I can do is watch with displeasure.

There is that feeling of not-quite anger again. What is it that Mizuki-sensei called it?

Jealousy.

It's more intense now, and I can't help myself, though I do my best to hide it, burying it before it grows strong enough to reflect itself in Yukito's behavior. Angrily I remind myself – again – that I should not feel these things.

*******

"Has Sakura-chan been sleeping well?" Yukito asked.

With an expression of relief, Touya turned towards Yukito, trying to disengage the girl from his arm. "She's better now, though she still -"

"Who's Sakura-chan?" interrupted Akizuki.

"To-ya's little sister," replied Yukito good-naturedly.

"You have a little sister?" asked Akizuki. Suddenly her eyes seemed intent for a moment then she was back to her starry-eyed self. "Is she cute?"

Yukito smiled. "Yes," he said, not seeing Touya's gestures to get him to be quiet.

"She's very cute and very kind," continued Yukito, "like To-ya."

Touya gave Yukito a startled look but his attention was broken as Akizuki looked at him with stars in her eyes. "Ooooh, then she must be a very nice girl if she is like Touya-kun." And she clung onto his arm like a limpet.

Yukito smiled as Touya looked faintly betrayed. For the briefest of seconds, Yukito's eyes flashed an amethyst purple before returning to their usual hazel.

*******

Annoyance isn't so powerful an emotion as jealousy, which is perhaps why Yukito didn't seem to mind Akizuki's constant presence near Touya, even though I do. She followed him everywhere, barely paying Yukito the slightest attention, pestering Touya with questions and hanging onto him. Touya gave Yukito many pleading looks that day for salvation, most of which weren't understood.

I understand though and sometimes my irritation with Akizuki and Yukito is enough to make Yukito take action. It didn't happen enough for Touya's liking.

But there is still something not 'right' about the girl, something that tells me that she isn't 'normal.' Even to address Akizuki as 'she' doesn't feel right. I sense Akizuki is not what she seems to be – like me.

I wonder if Akizuki knows this, or like Yukito, is unaware of her true nature.

*******

By lunchtime it seemed that Touya had had enough of his persistent shadow. In the two seconds it took for Akizuki to bend over and retie a wayward shoelace, he had grabbed Yukito's hand and started to bolt.

"Eh, To-ya, why are we running?" asked Yukito as he followed behind. His fingers were enclosed in his larger hand almost in their entirety, with no possible means of escape.

"I haven't had a single moment alone with you the entire day," growled Touya. It was evident where he was going, his and Yukito's usual lunch place under the tree beside the fence that separated Seijou from Sakura's school. "And I do not want her to sit with us for lunch."

"You can't blame Akizuki," said Yukito as Touya pulled him round a corner. "This is her first day after all."

*******

Is the word 'annoyance' not part of Yukito's vocabulary? I really wonder just how alike we are.

*******

"But I understand if you want to be alone for a while."

Touya slowed as he approached the tree then sat down, pulling Yukito down with him. "Not completely by myself," he corrected. "I'd like you to stay."

Yukito's hand for some reason was still in his. It trembled like a small bird. Yukito just smiled as if the holding of hands was perfectly natural.

Smooth skin on skin, near pale white fingers in darker tan as if Touya held moonlight in his hand. 

*******

His hand is warm with the pulse of life beating rapidly through it. Physical sensations. I can feel them, immediate and now rather than through another. Then I feel emotions like I have never felt them before – peace, contentment, love – oh yes love, that is the major part of it. And I sense that I – Yukito – am also experiencing new feelings of sadness, loneliness, jealousy.

The line between me and me blurs.

With extreme force of will I pull my mind away from Yukito's, trying withstand a siren's song of oneness. Oneness isn't supposed to happen. I breathe a sigh of relief as we are once again, tentatively separate. 

There is also regret . . .

*******

"Ne, To-ya, I need to eat my lunch," said Yukito.

Touya looked down at him, then realised he still had his friend's hand in his. "Oh. Sorry." He dropped the hand like he had profaned a sacred object. Yukito almost shyly drew it back to himself then raised it to get his sandwich, oblivious to Touya's confused gaze. He took a bite of his large meal, silver hair blowing slightly in the breeze that blew a few leaves around his head.

*******

I had nearly lost my hold on myself. In front of To-ya too. Do I have so little self-control? To lose control is to lose one's self and I do not want that. I nearly lost myself in Yukito – or did he nearly lose himself in me?

Touya was still staring at me. What does he see? What is he thinking?

What does he feel?

*******

"Touya-kun!" shouted a voice from behind the tree.

Yukito jumped, dropping his lunch. Touya tried to jump but was held down by Akizuki as she draped her arms around his neck. Yukito looked at her through his glasses with mild surprise.

"Hello, Akizuki-san," he said good-naturedly.

The long-haired girl ignored him. "Where have you been?" she demanded, still holding onto Touya.

Touya spluttered but perhaps seeing the pleasant expression on Yukito's face, kept a grip on his temper. "Can you please get off?" he said through gritted teeth. "You're hurting me."

Yukito was reaching out to loosen the girl's grip before he realised what he was doing. Akizuki released Touya and slid into the small space in between the two friends. She turned her back on Yukito who stared at her back covered in long strawberry-blond hair without comprehending. Then a hollow feeling opened up within him.

*******

I think this is the first time Yukito really feels what it is to hurt.

*******

Akizuki babbled on to Touya not noticing that the young man wasn't paying her the slightest attention but instead kept looking over her shoulder at his friend. 

Yukito wasn't very good at hiding his emotions. It showed up on his delicate face for all to see. Any sunny conversation he intended to begin died away like leaves in autumn. He retrieved his sandwich from where it had fallen back into its paper wrapper and resumed eating silently.

" . . . and I like running too cause I'm really fast and I think I'll go buy a drink can I get you one Touya-kun?" finished Akizuki, looking at Touya with starry eyes.

Touya nodded absently. With a squeal of delight Akizuki leapt up and ran off. She was as fast as she claimed and had disappeared in the time it took for Touya to move closer to Yukito. More leaves blew down between them. Neither noticed.

"You okay, Yuki?" asked Touya.

Yukito looked up, his charming smile again shining as he looked into Touya's face. "Of course!" he said. "She really likes you."

Touya rolled his blue eyes as a particularly strong breeze blew a shower of leaves off the stark branches above. "Don't tell me that," he sighed, moving back to lean against the tree, hands behind his head.

A leaf had fallen down and had gotten caught in Yukito's silvery hair. Touya glanced at it, then reached out to brush it away.

*******

I force myself to stay in control. As it is, I still close my eyes and smile.

*******

When school finished the two friends somehow managed to avoid Akizuki as they left the school. There was no conversation – words weren't really needed as Touya and Yukito made their way home.

There was a familiar group gathered at the street corner across the street from an ice-cream store. Tomoyo was easy to recognise with her long sable hair and equally familiar was the stiff pose of Li Syaoran beside her. Yukito sensed Touya tense slightly at the sight of the boy.

Before he could do anything though, a third figure ran up to them holding three popsicles. Sakura's tousled hair blew in the wind and she skipped as she approached the other children, her back towards her brother and his friend. Before Yukito could say anything, Touya grinned and stealthily crept up behind her. Without warning, his arm flashed and grabbed one of the popsicles.

"Ho-e?" exclaimed Sakura in confusion. She spun around and glared at her elder brother. "Onii-chan!" she said indignantly. 

"You shouldn't do that, To-ya," said Yukito as he caught up with the other. 

At the sound of Yukito's voice, Sakura and Li spun around. Tomoyo smiled.

Touya grinned and took a bite of the popsicle, then held it out. "You want some?" he offered. Yukito smiled but declined. 

"Hello," greeted Tomoyo.

"Yukito-san?!" exclaimed the other two simultaneously. In perfect synchronisation, they blushed.

*******

I had forgotten that Clow's distant nephew also has feelings for Yukito. Even though he now knows that this attraction is due to the power of the moon, he still blushes. It's a rather endearing characteristic in these children.

Li's blush however fades almost immediately when his eyes turn to Sakura's older brother. Touya doesn't like him, and the feeling is mutual. The two of them immediately engage in a glaring contest so intense I can almost see sparks flying between them. That type of naked emotion makes itself visible to those with the power to see.

Touya's dislike stems from the fact that Li was bullying Sakura on his very first day at her school. Li's dislike I think stems from the fact that he gets jealous whenever he sees Touya with me. There was one time I see in Yukito's memories when Li threw a spirit ward onto Touya's hand when he saw Touya and Yukito together by the tree where we had lunch.

Now that I think about it, it is probably the type of action I would have taken when I saw Mizuki-sensei with Touya, or Akizuki latching onto Touya's arm.

Yukito is too naïve to feel jealousy, so it is an entirely new emotion to me. Is that what jealousy is? To see a loved one with another who is not you?

*******

"Would you like me to buy you another one, Sakura-chan?" asked Yukito.

Sakura blushed even redder if that was possible. "I-i-i-it's okay!" she stammered. She handed the two remaining popsicles to Tomoyo and Li, drawing the other boy away from her brother.

Touya gave a very long and ragged sigh. "I'm tired," he said to no one in particular.

"What's wrong?" asked Sakura, looking at him concerned, an expression that Yukito shared.

"A new transfer student joined our class," explained Touya, raising his hand to his eyes.

"Mine too," said Sakura. "But why would a transfer student make you tired?"

Before Touya could answer, an all-too-familiar figure appeared out of nowhere, pinkish hair streaming out behind her.

"Touya-kun!" shouted Akizuki. She latched onto Touya by his neck. He had a dismayed look on his face. "I finally found you!" 

Yukito and the children started in surprise. They stared in startlement, watching the girl and Touya's fruitless attempts to free himself.

Suddenly Akizuki caught Yukito's gaze. When neither Yukito or Touya made an effort to dislodge her, she smiled at Yukito slyly. Yukito looked at her, not understanding.

His eyes darkened to a shade of purple.

* * * * * * *

I am not going to do anything rash. I refuse to let this . . . this _person get under my skin._

* * * * * * *

Akizuki smiled even wider. Then she turned to the three children and her eyes focused onto the Card Captor. I tensed, in case this _person, this __being intended any harm to my Master._

"Hey, are you Touya-kun's little sister?" asked Akizuki. Amazingly she let go of Touya, who rubbed his neck.

Sakura looked up at the other girl without fear, only questioning. "I'm Kinomoto Sakura."

"I'm Akizuki Nakuru!" replied Akizuki cheerfully. Then she leaned over and took Sakura's chin in her hand, staring into the Card Captor's green eyes intently. I drew in just a hint of power, ready for anything that might happen.

Nothing did. "I thought so," the violet-eyed girl said with a tiny smile. "You're cute." Suddenly she straightened and snatched the popsicle out of Touya's hand much to his irritated surprise, then ran off. A few meters up the street she stopped and waved. "Until tomorrow, Touya-kun!" she called.

With one last mysterious smile at Yukito, she ran away.

* * * * * * *

Inwardly, I seethe. But I refuse to lose control.

* * * * * * *

Everyone stared after the rapidly disappearing form of Akizuki.

"The popsicle . . ." said Li.

"She stole it and made Touya-kun angry," observed Tomoyo.

Touya didn't look very angry. He stared at Yukito with a serious gaze.

Yukito looked up. "Hmm?" he asked questioningly.

Touya dropped his gaze. "Nothing," he replied in a voice that said it was anything _but nothing. _

* * * * * * *

There is another reason why To-ya is like Clow Reed. It is almost impossible to tell what he is really thinking. 

[Leareth's Page][1]

   [1]: http://envy.nu/leareth/



	3. Shadows of the Moon ch2

Shadows of the Moon   
**By Leareth**

Chapter Two

It started raining. Yukito took no heed of it, but there was _something_ in the water, the dark clouds, a _presence_ that told me that the rain was not natural. And my suspicions rose further when Yukito turned on the television to see the news and the weather bureau reported that the rain was falling only on Tomoeda, nowhere else.

The kehai that comes with it is vaguely familiar, as if I have encountered it a long time ago. It reminds me a bit of Sakura – or Touya.

Touya. He had given me – Yukito – many strange and unreadable looks today. What was he thinking?

What does he feel for Yukito? Friendship? Or something more?

I know so little about emotion, having felt so little of it myself. I know so little _about_ myself – Yukito in fact, having been asleep all this time. And if I cannot understand myself, then there is no way that I can understand Touya.

But I can learn. I do have certain advantages.

As Yukito sat down on the sofa to read a book, I deftly sent him to sleep. Yukito's slumber gives me a restricted freedom in his mind, and I delve into his memories – our memories, in an attempt to know more about the person I – Yukito loves and calls friend.

* * * * * * *

Yukito kissed his grandmother goodbye, giggling as the woman replaced his glasses on his nose. He gave her a hug as she handed him his brand-new Seijou blazer and book-bag.

"Take care now," said the old woman, "and don't eat too much at lunch."

The boy laughed. "Obaa-san!"

His grandmother's wrinkled and kindly face spread into a smile. "Have fun on your first day."

Yukito waved to her as he ran lightly down the path to the street. "I will!"

Caught up in his exuberance in starting a new school, Yukito hummed to himself as he walked, oblivious to his surroundings. He turned a corner – 

– and was bowled over onto his back, glasses knocked from his face and bag sent skidding to the base of the wall. Yukito rubbed his head as he heard bike wheels skid to a stop, then footsteps running on the pavement towards him. A pair of hands on his shoulders lifted him into a sitting position.

"I'm so sorry!" he heard a voice say. "Are you alright?"

Yukito blinked and looked at the speaker. A handsome, strongly featured face with lightly tanned skin that implied an active lifestyle. Longish black hair just fell into a pair of sapphire blue eyes that looked at him with genuine concern. Yukito shook his head to clear away the fading stars and smiled.

"Ne, I'm alright!"

The other boy sighed in relief, then was caught by Yukito's warm hazel gaze. He drew a quick breath as Yukito did the same.

He felt like he was drowning in a deep sapphire blue sea.

"Onii-chan!" yelled a second, younger voice.

The boy tore his gaze from Yukito and glanced at a smaller figure running towards them, a young girl with short auburn hair that flew out behind her. Her feet pounded on the ground.

Directly in her path were Yukito's glasses. Seeing them, the darker boy dived for them, snatching them out of harm's way just as the girl's foot came crashing down. The girl, seeing the two boys on the pavement, came to a stop and stared.

"Be careful, kaijuu!" snapped the boy. He turned to the other and slid the glasses onto Yukito's face, where they hung slightly lopsided.

"I'm not a monster!" shouted the girl, stamping one foot as Yukito righted his glasses.

The boy ignored her. He got to his feet and offered a hand to Yukito. "Sure that you're not hurt?"

Yukito took the outstretched hand and stood up. "I'm fine!"

"You going to Seijou?" the boy asked, seeing the pale blue blazer.

"Yes. It's my first day today."

"That's my school," said the boy. "I'm sorry I nearly ran you down. I'm Kinomoto Touya. That's my little sister, Kinomoto Sakura."

"Hello!" chirped the girl.

"Pleased to meet you. I'm Tsukishiro Yukito." He smiled and extended his hand in greeting.

Touya shook it, then looked at his watch. "It's getting late," he said. "Can I give you a lift? There's room on the back of my bike for a rider."

"Onii-chan! You didn't let me ride today!" whined Sakura.

"That's cause Dad's getting you a pair of skates." Touya righted his bike and gestured to Yukito. "Coming?"

Yukito retrieved his bag. "Alright," he said with a smile.

* * * * * * *

I let the images and emotions that came with the memory fade away. First impressions can say a lot about people. Yukito immediately saw that Touya was a kind person, though perhaps casual in attitude. And clueless as my false self is at times, he is not stupid. He sensed that Touya would be 'special'.

What's more, if I read Touya's reaction to Yukito correctly, he had felt the same connection between them.

Most interesting. 

I move on.

* * * * * * *

"Happy birthday, Yuki."

Yukito looked up from the bench where he had been reading, in surprise. Touya stood before him, a little uncomfortable, with two packages in his hands. One was large and covered in bright paper, the other was smaller and simply wrapped in white cloth.

"Sakura insisted I give this to you from her," continued Touya. "The other one's from me." He held out the two presents.

Yukito put down his book. "Arigato, To-ya! But you didn't really have to do this," said Yukito, accepting the gifts.

Touya shrugged, then sat beside him. "I know. I wanted to anyway. Just something for my best friend."

Yukito flashed him a smile, then carefully opened the larger present. Sakura had given him a large box of chocolates. There was also a card, hand made with a scrawled but carefully done drawing of a rabbit on the front.

'Dear Yukito-san,' read the inside. 'I hope this is your bestest birthday! Yours, Sakura.'

"Ne, you must let me thank Sakura-chan," said Yukito, his face lighting up as he looked at the chocolates. He turned his attention to the cloth-wrapped gift. With great care he unfolded the white material away, and turned over the photo inside.

The frame was a simple dark blue, the only ornament being a white crescent moon on the top left hand corner. Behind the glass, was a picture of a group of three people in front of a cherry blossom tree in full bloom, taken with Tomoyo's usual expertise. Sakura beamed in the foreground and Yukito smiled charmingly as he knelt slightly behind to her right. Half-standing behind them looking slightly uncomfortable was Touya. He leaned forward, one arm resting on Yukito's head.

Yukito looked at his best friend. "To-ya, it's wonderful! Arigato!" And he gave the other boy his usual dazzling smile.

Touya waved his hand, looking very uncomfortable. "It's nothing."

Yukito grinned. He knew his friend well enough to know that any displays of genuine emotion embarrassed him. So instead he opened the box of chocolates, and gave Touya the first choice.

* * * * * * *

It is obvious that Touya looks upon Yukito as one of his closest friends at this stage, and Sakura's affection for Yukito is also clear. He is perfectly happy. No wonder I slept so peacefully. 

Whether Touya's feelings are the same as Yukito's I can't tell.

I feel Yukito smile in his sleep. My sojourn into his memories is giving him pleasant dreams, exactly how he affected my sleep in creating them.

Suddenly the phone rings, causing Yukito to stir. I ease the bond of slumber off that part of my mind and withdraw as my false self awakes.

* * * * * * *

Yukito blinked hazel eyes in confusion. The ring came insistently, its trill a cheerful counterpoint to the monotonous falling of rain outside. His mind coming into full awareness, he then stretched one lithe arm towards the phone.

"Hello, Tsukishiro residence," Yukito said in his light alto.

"Hey, Yuki," answered a familiar voice.

Yukito's delicate face lit up in a smile. "Ne, To-ya, I was just thinking about you and you call. Funny, isn't it."

There was a laugh at the other end of the phone. "Were you thinking about food as well?" Touya asked, "cause I'm inviting you to dinner tomorrow."

Yukito thought back to his 'dream'. "I was thinking about the chocolates Sakura-chan gave me for my birthday," he said smiling though the other could not see. 

"Well, Sakura's going to be cooking. She makes pretty good food for a monster."

There was a muffled infuriated yell on the other end of the line followed by a strangled cry of pain.

"To-ya?"

"Sorry about that. So you want to come over to my place after school tomorrow?"

"Alright!"

* * * * * * *

I can hear how Touya's reluctance at speaking disappears as he talks to Yukito – he is obviously most at ease with his best friend. I gather that other people are lucky if Touya speaks more than a dozen words to them. Despite his apparent aloofness, he is popular and respected amongst the other students. Especially the female ones, though he has never accepted an offer of a date from any, though there have been many proposals. Akizuki is merely the latest.

"Ne, why are you surprised that Akizuki-san likes you, To-ya?" Yukito asks. "You are very likable."

I can almost hear the scowl in Touya's reply. "Oh? Why?"

Yukito smiles. "You are a kind and helpful person," he began, twirling the cord of the phone in slim fingers, "and you are clever and handsome. You take good care of people and -"

"Enough!" I can imagine Touya's blush. 

"It is all true," said Yukito. "No wonder all the girls like you."

Was it because of Mizuki-sensei that Touya never responded to them? Or some other reason? 

"Doesn't mean I like them. And Akizuki-san is getting on my nerves how she keeps popping out of nowhere when I'm trying to talk to you."

Yukito laughs, a silvery laugh like bells. "It is because of Mizuki-sensei that you do not accept date proposals. Am I right?"

There is a pause. 

"Not exactly."

Yukito looked at the phone quizzically. "Oh? Then why?"

"Yuki . . ." There is a muffled call from his end of the line. "What?" asked Touya, not to Yukito but to someone at his home. Some murmured conversation, then, "Yuki, Sakura's calling for dinner so I'll see you at school tomorrow, okay?"

Yukito smiles. "Okay!"

"Ja, ne."

There was a click as the connection was cut. Yukito ponders over the conversation for a few moments then shrugged, returning to the sofa and the book he had never begun.

Much as I respect the Card Mistress, I really wish she could have waited before calling Touya to his dinner. I would sigh if I could. As it is, I put Yukito to sleep again and continue where I left off.

* * * * * * *

Yukito opened the bedroom door and gave the invalid a bright smile. Touya looked up from where he was about to eat a plateful of pancakes as he lay in bed with his sprained right ankle. Seeing whom his visitor was he put down the fork.

"Hello, To-ya," said Yukito. He dragged a chair over to the side of the bed and sat down. "I brought you a book to read, so you won't get bored."

Touya smiled as Yukito gave him the novel, and winced as the expression strained his bruised cheek. 

"Did you see something in the woods?" asked Yukito.

"Whatever I saw, it wasn't there when I woke up," replied Touya. "Maybe it was a dream?"

Yukito smiled. "Most probably. Still, you're a very nice person."

Touya tried to cover his embarrassment by cutting a piece of the pancake and picking it up with the fork. Before Yukito could say a word, Touya fed him the pancake.

Yukito closed his eyes, pulling the piece off the fork with his teeth as Touya drew it away. He smiled. "Did Sakura-chan make it?" he asked teasingly after he swallowed the sweet mouthful.

Touya gave him a mock-glare, and cut another piece. "This should shut you up," he muttered. He offered the pancake piece to Yukito as he held the fork. Yukito leaned forward and promptly ate it. 

* * * * * * *

I smiled slightly to myself, amused. This memory was of the aftermath of the Card Captor's adventure with the 'Mirror' card, which had imitated Sakura herself. The Card had led Touya off the edge of a cliff. Thankfully, he had only ended up with a sprained right ankle. Yukito had come over to keep him company as he lay in bed.

I allow the memory to drift away back into Yukito's mind. There is one characteristic of Touya that is evident from all this. The young man is not a very enthusiastic speaker when it comes to what he is really thinking and feeling, much like Clow Reed in that sense. However Touya does demonstrate his emotions wordlessly, whether it be with the slightest touch or impulsive gesture. There has been ample evidence of that in Yukito's memories.

I think back to the phone conversation. Unfortunately with that I have only Touya's voice to go on and that isn't enough for me. What was implied in his words that I can't read? 

I wish that I could ask – Yukito is too cluelessly innocent to request an explanation. And that is annoying.

Behold, the Void @ http://doki3.net/void/


	4. Shadows of the Moon ch3

Shadows of the Moon   
**By Leareth**

Chapter Three

Touya has a sister complex. It's something Yukito has commented on quite frequently. It means that while Touya gives the Card Captor a hard time, it is only he who is allowed to do so. In fact, Yukito is the only one who is not a girlfriend of Sakura's Touya allows near his little sister without sending the death glares he aims at Clow Reed's nephew. He says it's because I'm special.

There is a strange feeling that comes when he says that. It is not unpleasant.

* * * * * * *

It was still raining, and the subject of conversation that was on every tongue was the fact that it was only falling over Tomoeda. Yukito did not participate in the debates and theories that were put forward to explain such a strange occurrence, neither did Touya, though he would continually glance up at the sky and frown.

The two friends were running an errand for the teacher, chatting as they leisurely made their way down the corridor with stacks of paper in their hands. Suddenly Touya stopped and stared out the window. He frowned and squinted. "Sakura's out there."

"Eh?" asked Yukito, coming around to look. "Where?" He followed his friend's gaze and just managed to pick out two small figures sheltering under a balcony in the elementary school across the fence. It was hard to see them with the distance and heavy rain, but there was no mistaking Touya's little sister.

"It is Sakura!" exclaimed Yukito.

"What's she doing with that brat?" Touya muttered under his breath. His glare was enough to strip paint. Yukito looked more closely and realised that the other person with Sakura was Li Syaoran.

"You've got good eyes, To-ya," he said, drawing away from the window and smiling.

Touya sighed then turned away with one last glare at the boy, probably realising that there was nothing he could do about the situation.

* * * * * * *

I smile at this latest display of 'sister complex', as Yukito likes to term it. What's even more amusing is how he constantly denies anything of the sort. I suppose it is his way of displaying affection for his sister, the way he never openly says anything about what he feels for Yukito.

* * * * * * *

Yukito watched Sakura through the rain with a smile on his face. The Kinomoto siblings were high point to this otherwise grey day.

"Yuki."

"Hmm?"

Yukito turned around to face his friend.

Touya was looking at him with a strangely somber expression.

* * * * * * *

He looks like he's about to dive off a high cliff . . . or maybe say something that he realises once said, can never be taken back. Yukito seems barely aware of it but I . . . I wait. Wait in hope that he would continue what he saying on the phone last night.

"I . . ." He seems to be getting the words out by sheer will alone. "I . . . you . . ."

"TOUYA-KUN!"

I jump, or would have if I had been able to. Touya jumps – or tries to with Akizuki hanging off his neck.

"The teacher's calling!" the girl babbles, pinkish hair in two sweeping pig-tails flying everywhere. "You'd better hurry up with those papers!"

I know I'm not supposed to use my powers for harm, however in Akizuki's case I could make an exception. I keep a tight grip on my self-control. A very tight grip. Even so . . .

* * * * * * *

Yukito's eyes narrowed ever so slightly as an unfamiliar feeling came over him. They quickly returned to normal as Touya closed his eyes and sighed.

"I'm coming," he said almost reluctantly. Still with Akizuki clinging to him, Touya gestured as best as he could with both his arms full. "Give me the rest of the papers, Yuki, I'll carry them."

Yukito looked at his friend worriedly. "But they're heavy!" he protested, but knowing how stubborn his friend could be, acquiesced and carefully added his load on top of Touya's. Somehow, Touya managed to stay upright even with Akizuki's weight dragging down.

"Akizuki . . ." said Touya.

"You can call me Nakuru!" chirped the girl.

"A. Ki. Zu. Ki," repeated Touya through gritted teeth. "I can't move. Get off."

With a very loud burst of laughter, the limpet finally let her grip loosen, putting a hand behind her head and smiling at Touya. Yukito she completely ignored. He stared at the two, feeling strangely disappointed. Why did Akizuki have to call _now_ of all times, when he was alone with his best friend?

He stopped at that.

__

Why do I feel disappointed?

Akizuki was still giggling like a maniac. Deliberately, Touya turned his back on her and proceeded down the hallway, leaving his best friend and the transfer student alone.

Suddenly Akizuki stopped laughing and turned to face Yukito.

* * * * * * *

I do not like this girl. This . . . person. Without warning it turns and gives me a sly, almost challenging look. Yukito merely smiles – I am on my guard.

"So," it says softly. "Nothing's happened yet."

It is not just Yukito who is confused. "Huh?"

"Since that's the case," the being continues cryptically, "I won't hesitate."

Akizuki grins and winks. Before I – Yukito, can say anything the person turns and runs back to the classroom. Yukito stares after her, not understanding.

I don't understand either. What did Akizuki mean? What won't she hesitate to do?

It is something to do with To-ya, I am sure.

* * * * * * *

"Gochisousama!"

Yukito smiled at the hostess. "You're a very good cook, Sakura-chan. The hamburger au gratin was delicious."

Sakura blushed prettily at the compliment. "Th-th-thank you very much!" she managed to stammer out.

Abruptly, Touya rose from the table, grabbing his bag as he did so. "I've got to go to work," he announced.

Yukito also rose to follow him. "I'll help clean up," he told Sakura as the girl began to clear the table. 

"Oh no, you don't have to!" exclaimed Sakura as she haphazardly piled dishes onto her tray. The pale boy smiled over his shoulder as Touya fetched an umbrella.

"Really, it's ok. In return for dinner."

He missed Sakura's glow as Yukito went with Touya to the door.

* * * * * * *

Of course Yukito just _has _to see Touya off first. It is an unspoken connection between the two. One is hardly seen without the other. If someone is looking for Touya, all he or she has to do is seek out Yukito and ask. And vice versa.

Yukito doesn't think there is anything strange about this. He sees all people the same and is incapable of dislike.

With Touya, however, it is different. I think Yukito is only just beginning to realise just _how_ different Touya is to him from others. He doesn't understand it yet. 

I want to ask what Touya wanted to say to me this afternoon, but I can't. Yukito dismisses the incident out of hand. How can he be so easy-going?

Touya opens the front door and stares stonily at the dark rain still falling outside. A cold breeze blows in. I am at best peripherally aware of the temperature. Yukito shivers slightly in his school uniform.

"It's still raining," comments my false form.

There is still that aura in the rain, a presence behind it. I wonder who or what is causing it. It cannot be a Clow Card – the Card Captor has them all. And an odd sense of déjà vu comes with the aura. It is . . . it is . . . 

Touya seems to also sense that the rain is not natural. He murmurs something to himself that I cannot hear.

"Hm? Did you say something?" asks Yukito.

The taller boy looks back with an unreadable glance, before turning away and snapping open the umbrella. "Nothing," he mutters. In a louder voice, he says, "See you later." Then he deliberately walks off into the drizzle.

Yukito waves and smiles. "Take care!" he calls.

How can Yukito let such an opportunity pass? What if To-ya was trying to say something important? Isn't he just the least bit curious? I do not know how I managed to create a self so good tempered.

I realise where my thoughts are going. Now I am angry with myself. Why am I fixated over one little incident, over a snippet of conversation that made no sense? 'I . . . you . . .' it could mean anything. And I shouldn't concerned with my problems. There is the matter of this rain to take care of.

"Return to thy true form, Yue."

Yukito freezes and fades as I take over our mind. A pair of sweeping white wings appears out of thing air and enfolds us. There is the comforting shock of transformation. I stretch my wings, more at ease in my true form.

But still, I don't like being so rudely awaked. I need my sleep – not that slumber is particularly peaceful nowadays with the twists and tangles I have to deal with being Yukito. I turn and glare at the little stuffed toy of a Guardian.

"What do you want?" I snap irritably. I am not at all pleased with what my false self is doing and having to transform reminds me just how different Yukito and I am. I like to sleep. It means I don't have to worry about Clow, or the Cards, or duty, but merely live a life I have always dreamt of.

Kerberos flutters annoyingly in front of my face. "Aren't you in a bad mood," he says, words with that interesting little accent he's picked up somewhere. It is rather amusing when you hear Kansai dialect coming from a majestic, winged golden lion. "Why are you always in a bad mood whenever you wake up?"

I began to slowly make my way to the kitchen, ensuring my wings didn't knock anything. "Yukito is . . ." I begin carefully.

"What? What?" the Seal Beast prompts.

I try to think of a response. "It is problematic that my false form and I are so different." I say finally. I am not going to tell the fast-talking Guardian the real problem I have being two people who aren't really two people. Besides, Kerberos wouldn't understand – his false form doesn't include a whole separate personality.

He blinks. "Wha-? I don't get it."

I sigh, just audibly.

We come to the neat kitchen. Sakura has completed clearing up and Yukito feels guilty. Or he would if he were awake. Still, I feel slightly regretful. Sakura pours tea into a third cup when my winged shadow appears over her.

"Huh?" She turns and sees me.

"HO-EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

I stare at her as she regains control of herself and the kettle. What's wrong? She doesn't seem to be completely at ease in my presence.

That hurts.

I decide to fold my wings into non-existence. It makes me a less of an imposing – and non-human, character. Sakura seems to relax – only slightly.

We move to her room – the kitchen is too public a place and her father could come back unexpectedly. At Kerberos' insistence, she brings the tea up as well.

"Would you like some tea, Yue-san?" she asks, politely offering me a cup.

"He doesn't eat," says Kerberos before I can decline. I glare at him. I _can_ speak for myself. 

Sakura looks at the winged stuffed-toy in confusion. "But Kero-chan, you're always eating," she protests. Kerberos is sitting on Sakura's bed with tea and cake. I might talk to him about this later. Guardians are not meant to indulge themselves. I can't.

"I don't have to eat," says the Sun Guardian, waving a fork with a bit of cake on it, "but I think one should take advantage of life's pleasures. And Yue isn't satisfied by the same food as me. His life isn't so fun and he takes it too seriously."

"You mean he doesn't eat like Yukito-san?" asks Sakura.

Kerberos holds out his empty cup "Seconds."

I keep my face expressionless. Yukito eats so much food because he needs to support my existence. I suppose I could, if I wanted, eat myself, but I won't. It does nothing for me. I need the power of my Master, not human food.

Sakura runs out of the room to fulfil Kerberos' wish. She is still a child and not quite up to maintaining me unlike Clow, and so I must rely more heavily on the moon at present. That is not a problem, except when the silver orb is in its waning period.

"So what do you think of this rain?" asks Kerberos, suddenly serious.

I turn my attention back to the problem at hand. The rain, and its strange aura . . . "It's being caused by someone," I say slowly.

Kerberos nods and closes his eyes. "I agree." A bright light begins to shine from him and sweeping wings appear. Between one breath and the next the little toy changes into the powerful lion that was my only companion for so long. "The question is: who?"

It is now that Sakura chooses to run back into the room, carrying a tray with a kettle on it. "Sorry I took so long!" She keeps running then abruptly stops as she realises that the Sun Guardian has changed.

The tray nearly goes flying with another cry of surprise. I shake my head.

My new mistress is very different from Clow.


	5. Shadows of the Moon ch4

Shadows of the Moon   
**By Leareth**

Chapter Four

My master may no longer be Clow, for whom I still mourn, but I will perform my duty for this little girl-child to he best of my ability. Not that the Card Captor is not capable or worthy, if she had not she would not have passed the Judgement – 

- which had already been decided even before I had been awakened.

If Kaho had not been there with Clow's bell, would Sakura have passed the Judgement?

Can Sakura handle the burden of the Cards by herself? I look at her, a child in a raincoat with a staff, the Sun Guardian at her side. It seems almost ridiculous.

She doesn't look much like her brother . . .

Why do I suddenly think of him?

As if feeling my eyes on her, Sakura turns. She stares at me for a few moments. Is it just me or does she seem uncomfortable?

"Um . . ."

I look straight back, ignoring the rain that is soaking through my robes and my hair. It might be a problem to fly though.

"Yukito-san . . ." she says at last. "He doesn't remember anything when you are Yue, right?"

I thought Kerberos had explained this to her. "Yes."

"So what about when you are you?" she asks. "What about when you change into Yukito-san?"

"I remember everything that happens in my false form," I answer patiently. I wonder if Sakura is old enough to understand. Perhaps I should leave it at that - I myself have enough trouble trying to sort my two selves out, and it will not do any good to confuse the Card Captor any further. She has enough things to worry about apart from me.

"Uh . . . ok . . ."

She doesn't understand. If anything, she looks nervous. She never looks like that when with Kerberos. I can never seem to relate to others, because no one is able to understand me – not that many people see me anyway. All they see is a smiling face that isn't really mine.

Only Clow . . .

__

Power . . .

"Sakura!" Kerberos is more alert than me. I angrily shake myself out of my melancholy. The rain has collected into one large pool in the sky and before I can react, huge streams of water are shooting down from it towards the Card Captor, who clutches her staff and freezes to the ground.

Stupid girl! Immediately I jump into the damp air and spread my wings, Kerberos beside me, ready to defend –

"What the-?!" exclaims the Sun Guardian.

I turn to look at him, and find that I can't. Something is holding me back.

"I can't . . . move . . ."

Why? What power is holding us here? I try to break it, summoning all the magic I have. No one traps me, the best of Clow's creations!

"KYAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

"Sakura!"

It takes all the strength I have just to move my head at Kerberos' cry. I look up – the water has turned into a gigantic waterspout and swept Sakura into it. The water roars, overpowering the Sun Guardian's own roar. Whatever power is controlling it is extremely strong. The Cards don't have this much power! Only one person in existence had been able to do something like this . . .

The signature of this power . . .

I see Sakura being tossed around like a rag doll. She can't breath, she will drown – again, I throw my will at the invisible bindings that hold me, to no avail. If anything, they grow tighter, and Kerberos and I fall to our knees. The force that is at work is definitely not a Clow Card – we are the most powerful of the Cards. 

But – 

"This power . . ."

"I know!" rumbles Kerberos. He is desperate – more desperate than I to break free and go to the Card Captor's aid. But the power that holds us – I know it, I know it from somewhere else!

"Sakura! SAKURA!"

What's happening? I can just barely make out the tiny form that is the Card Captor in the middle of the water. Why can't I break free and help her? She will drown -

__

LIGHT

A familiar symbol begins to appear in the air around Sakura, still trapped in the water, her eyes closed in concentration. But . . .

My eyes go wide.

"This magic -!"

"It's not Clow magic!" yells Kerberos.

Instead of the Sun being in the middle and my symbol off to one side, there is now a magnificent star. The Sun and Moon have moved to flank it at the east and west points. It is Clow's symbol, and yet it isn't – what is going on?!

Somehow Sakura manages to whirl the staff and command whatever Card she has chosen.

"FIREY!"

The fire card, an attack card capable of beating Watery and one of the most powerful. The staff – the star spins and the tiny wings expand. This staff, the new one created during the Judgement with Kaho, with which Sakura defeated me . . .

'Firey' is brought to life, a raging elemental of fire. It swoops around the waterspout, engulfing it in flames. The bonds constrict, trapping the water, shrinking it – Sakura just manages to jump out and land heavily on the ground as a gigantic ball of steam explodes behind her.

"She did it!"

Does Kerberos have to state the obvious?

Without warning, I am free of whatever was holding me. Kerberos immediately rushes over to Sakura, who is breathing heavily. I follow at a more sedate pace. She is obviously alright. She is perfectly fine. She didn't even need me.

"Sakura!"

"Eh?" The Card Captor looks at us as if only just realising we are there. She stands and wobbles. "Kero-chan . . . Yue-san . . . he re . . ."

She faints.

With a barely repressed sigh, I move to pick her up. She is light, lighter than I would imagine humans to be, and soaking wet. She might catch a cold. Of its own accord, the staff glows and reverts back to its key form, and I loop it around her neck.

"Is she all right?!" demands the Sun Guardian worriedly. "Where's she hurt?!"

I give him my best look of restrained patience.

"She's sleeping."

Sakura should get home before anyone notices she is gone. Carefully I carry her in my arms and begin walking back to the house. Kerberos hovers worriedly at my side but I ignore him. My attention is not on him, or Sakura, or even Sakura's brother.

Clow. I am sure that the signature of the power that Sakura fought tonight is Clow's.

But Clow Reed is dead.

So . . .

I stumble, jolting Sakura as she sleeps in my arms. She's not the only one feeling tired.

Strange. There wasn't any stone or obstacle in my path for me to trip on.

We reach the house with no further incident. I stretch out my senses – no, no one is home yet. I have a few more minutes grace. Kerberos nudges the door open for me and I carry Sakura inside into the living room.

Now what do I do?

"Put her to bed," suggests Kerberos. His voice sounds different . . . he has already changed back into his false form. Practical, I suppose, when he wants to move around indoors. Should I change as well?

I'm tired . . . why do I feel tired? Sleep is looking better and better.

"Oi. You going to stand there until her brother comes home?"

I shake myself out of my stupor and look at the little stuffed toy of a Guardian. "Stop it. I'm thinking."

"Think faster."

I give him a level glare. He doesn't take any notice, not that he ever has before.

"She can't go to sleep in wet clothes," I say at last.

"Change her then."

Another glare. This time he actually looks away. Progress, I suppose.

"You do it. You're the one that lives with her," I retort.

"You have hands."

We look at each other. Kerberos has a cheeky smile on his face. I think he likes annoying me.

Before I open my mouth, I sense a presence approaching the house. Quickly I lay Sakura down on the couch and will myself to change as Kerberos flies quickly upstairs. I fumble my way through the spell, the usually automatic transformations of shape and mind for some reason don't come immediately. The fight must have taken more out of me than I realise. Strange, because I didn't really do any fighting . . .

Finally, the transformation is complete.

* * * * * * *

Yukito blinked once, then twice. He was standing in the middle of the Kinomoto's living room. Wasn't he at the door before, saying goodbye to Touya? No matter – he'd better get back to the kitchen and help Sakura clean up.

There was the sound of soft breathing behind him. Yukito turned, absently realising that it had finally stopped raining. Lolling on the couch was Sakura. She was soaking wet, and asleep.

Yukito rubbed his eyes, and his head. Why was Sakura sleeping in wet clothes? Why was she wet in the first place? Then he looked at his watch. Hadn't it just been after dinner? For some reason his watch said it was nearly nine o'clock. Maybe it was wrong – he looked at the clock on the mantle piece to check. No, the clock said the same thing, so his watch was right. 

Where had the last hour or so gone then?

There was the sound of footsteps in the hallway. Yukito rubbed his eyes and forced his tired legs (why was he tired?) to go to the hall. Something like a headache rolled through him, and he leaned against the wall, holding a hand to his head and closing his eyes.

"Yuki?"

Yukito looked up. Touya was back from his job. The taller boy hung a dry umbrella in the stand before coming over to his friend.

"You okay? You look a bit out of it."

Yukito smiled reassuringly. "Ne, I think I'm alright."

Touya frowned. "Did you faint again or something?"

The other boy stopped, smile falling from his face. Faint . . . that could explain the gap in his memory.

Touya looked at his friend pointedly. "You did faint, didn't you."

Yukito absently brushed pale hair out of his eyes. "I think I might have," he said slowly. Suddenly the headache came back and he rubbed his temple. 

A hand grabbed his elbow and began insistently pulling him back into the lounge. "You'd better sit down," he distantly heard Touya say. The hand moved to his shoulder and firmly pushed him into the chair. Then it was removed. Yukito opened his eyes. Touya was leaning over Sakura, his hand on her head feeling her temperature. Whatever he registered made him frown, and the frown grew bigger as he realised Sakura was soaking wet. Quickly Touya pulled the saturated rain-coat and outer clothes off, frowning as he looked at the necklace the girl was wearing, then removed his own jumper and draped it over the girl. Then he looked at Yukito questioningly. 

"What happened to Sakura?" Touya asked.

Yukito tried to smile weakly, but the expression faded before it had even appeared.

"I . . . I'm not sure," he said lamely.

"What do you mean 'not sure'?" asked Touya. Yukito began to feel rather uncomfortable. The look on Touya's face, it was the expression he always showed to Li Syaoran. Yukito had never had it directed at him before. Anything he was planning to say died on his tongue.

Immediately Touya's expression changed to one of concern. "I'm sorry, Yuki, I'm not mad, it's just . . ." He trailed off and tried to cover it by tucking his jumper around Sakura. Then he got up and stood awkwardly over Yukito who looked up at him with wide eyes. "If you fainted, it's not your fault that you don't know what happened. Um, look, I think you'd better get some sleep – I'll put Sakura to bed and walk you home. Unless you want to sleep over of course."

Yukito smiled his usual charming smile, and everything was better. "Thanks, but I think I'd better just go home. We do have school tomorrow."

Slowly Touya returned the smile. "Uh yeah, I forgot that," he said sheepishly.

* * * * * * *

Yukito practically falls asleep the moment Touya leaves him at the door. It takes all the effort we can muster to prepare for bed. The moment he does get under the covers, Yukito is out like a light.

I feel so . . . exhausted. Drained would probably be a better word. I don't know why.

Wait, I can't sleep yet. There are too many things for me to worry about.

That aura behind the water spell – I am sure it was that of Clow Reed. But he is dead, so that is impossible. Not even the greatest magician can cheat death. Maybe someone else, some relative of his? Maybe one of the Li clan? But only the boy is here, and he does not have anywhere near the power to control such a spell.

How did Sakura break it anyway? That was not Clow magic that she used. That was not Clow's Seal. That Seal had the Star as the main focus, and Sakura's staff has the star on it. She used that staff to command the Cards. But the Cards are that of Clow, and only a practitioner of Clow's magic should therefore be able to use the Cards.

Unless, someone is powerful enough to override Clow's command and use the Cards themselves . . .

Which is what Sakura did. It could explain why she is so tired, if she has had to forcefully change one of the most powerful of the Cards.

And it could possible explain why I feel so strange too. I wonder if Kerberos is also having problems.

If Sakura is supporting the Cards with her own power, this will cause problems. I wonder if Sakura will be able to support me. Perhaps I had better increase the amount of food Yukito eats, if I can no longer rely on the Card Captor.

Wonderful. As if my life isn't complicated enough as it is.

Yukito frowns in his sleep. I feel guilty about being able to nothing to help Sakura, and Yukito feels guilty about not being able to keep a watch over her.

That look Touya gave me – Yukito. He seemed almost angry with his friend. And Yukito felt bad.

I had failed to protect my master. Yes, she had pulled through by herself, but that is beside the point. The point is that I, the Moon Guardian whose duty is to protect the Cards and their Master, failed in my duty.

And because of that failure, Touya had gotten angry. With his best friend.

It hurts. I don't want him to be angry with me. No, _Yukito_ doesn't want him to be angry.

I have not felt this way since . . .since those few times I irritated Master Clow. He was always willing to forgive me. It didn't mean I could forgive myself.

It will not happen again.


	6. Shadows of the Moon ch5

Shadows of the Moon   
**By Leareth**

Chapter Five

I try not to fall asleep. Since the Judgement, I always stay awake when my false form sleeps. It allows me to think without his emotions interfering. Night is also when I am most comfortable, and I could, if I wished, become myself completely and fly out into the night. I haven't done that yet. Perhaps tonight I should.

Almost as soon as the thought enters my mind, I let it go. I'm too tired . . . I should sleep – no, I can't sleep. Not when Yukito is also asleep and dreaming.

I don't dream my own dreams much. I dream Yukito's life but actually have my own dreams? Hardly. When I do dream, I don't like it. Dreams tell me what I don't want to know, and make me confront what I would wish to leave alone. So it is that I only rest during the day and only when Yukito is so busy that none of my thoughts can surface in his mind. And during the night, it is I who remains conscious.

I don't like both of us to dream at the same time. That has only happened once, the night after Sakura had claimed the Cards for her own. And I don't ever want it to happen again. I don't know what happened to me that night, or who I was. In that dream all things seemed to meld into one. I think I loved without fear. But then I was scared that I had disappeared.

There weren't any problems before the Judgement. My hoped-for eternal sleep was so deep there were no dreams of my own, merely a vague awareness of what 'I' was doing.

Now? Now I am conscious and living a life of a sort. My slumber is that of a normal human when my unconscious self remains active creating dreams. Not the coma-like sleep I was in before.

And when Yukito and I both dream at once, I no longer know who I am.

Because Yukito is my unconscious, even as I am his.

Don't sleep . . . don't sleep while I am sleeping.

* * * * * * *

Yukito groggily woke up to the sound of birds outside his window. He rubbed his eyes and wished that they weren't quite so loud. On a whole he enjoyed waking up to their music, but this morning was different. He wondered if he could get away with staying in bed today.

No, he had school. Oh well. Get up, get glasses, open the curtains – ouch. The sun seemed very bright this morning, or maybe it was just him. He didn't have a headache anymore, but still . . .

Oops. His stomach was complaining rather loudly. Better have breakfast soon.

Now, where were his clothes? Pants and shirt were easy to find, folded up neatly on his chair where he had left them yesterday – all well and good; Yukito changed easily, the strange drowsiness he had woken up with disappearing as he got the blood flowing again. Bathroom, bathroom, clean face, hands and teeth, brush hair – oops, there went his stomach again. Hmm, it usually waited a little longer before demanding attention . . . 

Yukito made his way to the kitchen and set about preparing an extra-large breakfast and ate it quickly while reading the paper. His grandparents were away still – when where they coming back? Yukito found he couldn't quite remember their return date. Oh well, it would come to him in time. Speaking of time, he'd better get to the corner soon. Tie, where did he put his tie? He could have sworn that he had brought it downstairs. No, wait a moment, it was still in his room so he went to get it. Time to go. Bag, shoes, snacks (lots of that) and money for lunch (lots of that too) and he was set. Lock the house, where were the keys? He had left his keys in his room as well. First his tie, now his keys – Yukito shook his head as he went to fetch it, he usually wasn't this disorganised.

Finally he was out the door and walking down the path to the usual corner. The cherry blossom trees were at their usual best – covered in pink flowers and throwing their petals and perfume into the air. Yukito smiled.

__

Beautiful, some part of him commented.

Yes, it is.

__

But beauty like this must end-

That thought was abruptly cut off. Yukito stopped and pondered over it. Yes, even something as beautiful as the sakura would shrivel and die sometime.

For some reason, that thought depressed him.

__

Chirr . . . chirr . . .

"Yuki!"

Yukito looked up, saw who was coming, and smiled.

"To-ya."

Any lingering drowsiness was suddenly swept away.

Touya braked his bike to a halt just in front of him. Yukito was about to climb on the back, when he suddenly noticed something.

"Where's Sakura-chan?"

Touya rolled his eyes as Yukito settled himself behind. "She's staying at home today. Dunno what's wrong with her but she's too out of it so she's having a rest today."

Yukito carefully held onto his friend's waist as Touya began to ride. "What's she sick with?" he asked worriedly.

"She's not sick, just really, really tired," answered Touya.

* * * * * * *

Of course. The Card Captor's energy is going to supporting the Cards, now that she is beginning to make them her own. It would only be logical that the sudden change in her body's balance would make her feel drained.

And already I can see that it is having repercussions onto me.

* * * * * * *

Yukito looked away from his friend's back as the wind blew in his hair. "To-ya . . . I'm sorry . . ."

"What for?" The taller boy looked back slightly over his shoulder, yet still managed to expertly guide the bike along its way. "If this is about last night, don't worry. It's not your fault Sakura's feeling funny this morning. Speaking of last night, how are _you_?" said Touya, suddenly changing the subject. He slowed and stopped at the road as a series of cars came by. "I hope you got a lot of sleep, cause I don't want you fainting on me again. You might hurt yourself."

Yukito smiled. The cars stopped and Touya crossed the road. "I'm better now!"

"Good."

* * * * * * *

Suddenly I feel that I no longer need to worry about anything, not this morning's strangeness, the Card Captor and my strength, or my dreams. I don't need to worry. Not when To-ya is here worrying about me.

No - worrying for Yukito. There, I'm doing it again! Stop it!

* * * * * * *

"TOUYA-KUN!"

The bike braked sharply to a stop in the schoolyard. Too sharply – Yukito kept going forward and was thrown over his friend. His glasses went even further and fell to the ground.

"Yuki, you okay? I'm so sorry!" Touya twisted around in his seat. Yukito shook silver hair out of his eyes as his best friend caught him under the arms and steadied him. Both of them were rather precariously balanced half on and off the bike.

* * * * * * *

I look into his face. I don't think there's a sapphire on earth that is as blue as his eyes.

* * * * * * *

"TOUYA-KUN!"

Caught up in making sure none of them fell off the bike, Touya and Yukito had completely forgotten the reason for them being in such a position in the first place. Yukito squinted at the hazy figure with long hair that was bounding up to them. He felt his friend's body immediately go stiff.

"Hello, Akizuki," sighed Touya. He was still holding onto Yukito. The pale boy tried to see Akizuki's face. Without his glasses he couldn't make out much more than eyes and mouth. Then even that was lost to him as Akizuki bent over to pick something off the ground.

"Good morning, Touya-kun!" the girl chirped. Yukito could have sworn that Akizuki was twirling his glasses around in her hand.

For one moment, he could see perfectly as his eyes turned purple. 

It _was_ his glasses.

* * * * * * *

I. Am. Not. Going. To. Lose. Control. 

* * * * * * *

"Akizuki," said Touya with strained patience. One hand that was resting under Yukito's arms was taken away and held out.

"Ye-es?"

"Can you please give them back?"

"Give what?"

Yukito didn't need perfect vision to see his friend's frown. "Pass the glasses, Akizuki."

"_These_ glasses?" said the girl in astonishment, as if only just realising what she was holding. "Sure! Anything for my dear Touya-kun!"

Touya sighed. Yukito suddenly felt a hand on his face as his glasses were replaced. He blinked and looked around. Akizuki had a smirk on her face as she looked at him.

"Hello, Akizuki-san," greeted Yukito. In front of him, Touya had finally managed to balance the bike so that he and Yukito could get off without toppling over, and Yukito carefully dismounted. Akizuki ignored him.

"Class is nearly starting!" she announced, looking at Touya. "Hurry up, hurry up!" Before any of the two boys could say anything, she grabbed Touya's arm and began dragging him to the school. Yukito blinked a couple of times, then scurried along in their wake.

* * * * * * *

I don't realise just how exhausting it is to support my false form until the middle of morning class. Even more exhausting is maintaining Yukito whenever Akizuki is around. Yukito will never take action or protest against what that being does – I am not so hesitant.

Wait. I'm usually not so impulsive either. I'm never like this.

Except where To-ya is concerned.

When it comes to him, I'm not exactly sure who I am.

* * * * * * *

Yukito drew more than a few strange looks as he made his way back to the classroom after making a trip down to the cafeteria. He was blithely oblivious to it, or maybe he didn't respond because he couldn't see the expressions of the students past his overly large lunch-bag.

He opened the classroom door with his foot. It seemed everyone else was outside watching a lunch-time basketball game. Only Touya didn't bother going out to watch. It could have had something to do with the fact that Akizuki was playing. Whatever the reason, Yukito didn't mind not going outside. He was perfectly happy to stay with his best friend.

. . . _friend? Is that all?_

"To-ya . . ."

He heavily dumped his lunch on the desk. Touya was rather shocked. "How come you got so much today?" he demanded, giving Yukito a funny look.

Yukito tried to laugh it off. "I'm hungrier than usual today, even though I had a big breakfast this morning." He reached into the bag and chose a plastic-wrapped bun. Opening it, he began munching happily. He didn't notice that Touya's funny look had turned to a strangely serious one until his friend spoke his name.

"Yuki."

"Hmm?" He looked up from his bun.

"I'm not sure what you're going to think of this, but . . ." Touya trailed off, looking uncomfortable. "I . . . you . . ."

Suddenly, there was a huge cheer from outside. Automatically, both boys looked outside.

Down in the courtyard, the Seijou basketball team was frantically running around trying in vain to defend against someone streaking towards the goal. Someone with long pinkish hair.

* * * * * * *

Again! Again, Akizuki has to interrupt! What is To-ya trying to say to me?

* * * * * * *

Akizuki leapt into the air. Her arms curved gracefully and threw the basketball over the other player's heads. Yukito could almost hear the _swish_ as it fell perfectly through the hoop.

There was a loud cheer from the gathered audience. Cries of 'Nakuru-chan, you're awesome!" and murmurs about a girl defeating the boys team were clearly heard. Akizuki received their congratulations with a smile.

Suddenly, she turned around and stared straight up at the classroom where Touya and Yukito were. She jumped up and waved frantically.

"TOUYA-KUN!!!!!"

Yukito smiled. "Akizuki-san is very good at sports. But I hear all the sports captains are disappointed cause she won't join any of their teams," he commented.

He didn't notice Touya's strangely intent look as he stared out the window. It didn't seem that he was looking at Akizuki. "She reminds me of you," he observed.

The pale boy glanced at his friend. "Because I'm not in any clubs either?"

"No," said Touya softly. "Something else."

* * * * * * *

Something else? What? Why does Akizuki remind him of me – no, Yukito? I doubt it is because of personality.

Touya . . . has power. Not like Sakura's, but certainly something that makes him more sensitive than normal people. Perhaps he also feels that Akizuki is not what 'she' seems?

But if that is so . . .

Does he know about me?

Surely he doesn't. Why would he be friends with someone who is not human?

* * * * * * *

Yukito let his schoolbag drop to the floor as he took off his shoes. The day had seemed inordinately long today and he was glad to be home. He had even caught himself falling asleep in class! Not a good thing, considering they had a test tomorrow.

Test . . . that meant he'd better study. Not before he got changed and had a large snack first.

* * * * * * *

This is not good. Even with me increasing Yukito's appetite I am still not up to my full strength. Sakura cannot cope with the additional burden she was given last night.

Last night . . . that presence. Was it Clow?

It might be a good thing to talk to Kerberos about all this.

Besides, going to Sakura's house gives me – Yukito, the chance of seeing him . . .

* * * * * * *

Eh? He had To-ya's book? Yukito picked up the thick text and frowned. To-ya needed this for the test tomorrow.

Better go and return it then.

* * * * * * *

It isn't To-ya's book. It's Yukito's. I just need an excuse.

It doesn't take long for Yukito to walk to the Card Captor's house. He doesn't live far from her, and besides, he knows the way so well I could probably find my way there half-asleep.

His unexpected arrival takes Sakura by surprise. But she is pleased to see him of course. She still has . . . what is it that humans call it . . . a 'crush' on my false form. Not just her, but Clow's nephew as well. As if I don't have enough things to worry about. Perhaps I should start thinking about taking measures against this before it gets out of hand.

Enough of that. There are more important things at present. The moment Yukito gives the book to Sakura, I take over.

"Y-Yue-san?!" She drops the book on her foot. I should remember that Sakura finds me rather uncomfortable. I should stop scaring her like this. I try to look a bit less cold and distant. It doesn't work; it's not natural for me.

"I need to talk to Kerberos."

"Kero-chan?" She glances hastily up the stairs. "O-okay, I'll go get him!" And she runs away as quickly as possible. Soon she is running back down, this time with the tiny Sun Guardian flying behind her. 

I nod slightly in greeting as Kerberos sits on the dining table. Sakura stops and looks unsure of what to do.

"I'll go make some tea, ne?" She dashes into the kitchen. I sigh. As soon as she is no longer paying any attention to us, Kerberos gives me a questioning look.

"Well?"

I look at him seriously. I don't want Sakura to hear and start worrying. "I could soon be unable to return to this form." There's no point in trying to make such a fact sound any better.

The little stuffed-toy thing sighs, but doesn't look as shocked as I would think. "Sakura doesn't have the magic to support you . . ."

"Even though I increase the amount Yukito eats, it's still not enough. The Master is putting all of her energy into using her Cards."

Kerberos shakes his head worriedly. "I eat, but I also use the light of the Sun to replenish myself. Unfortunately for you, the light of the moon fluctuates." He looks at me intently. "You're going to need to use someone else as a power source."

I blink. That thought has not occurred to me before.

"I think that's why that priestess' bell held a lot of Moon power," Kerberos muses. Then he looks up and looks deadly serious. When Kerberos looks like that it means the situation is very serious. "How are we going to cope with being Sakura's Guardians? We're using Sakura's power now, not Clow's. And you, you have a serious problem with maintaining your other form . . ."

I nod, just slightly, careful to keep my face expressionless.

"Do you think it was Clow we sensed last night?" Kerberos asks insistently. I lower my head.

"I don't know . . ." I say slowly. "It felt like Clow's presence . . ."

Clow . . . 

I hope it was him – and yet I don't.

"Great," sighs the Sun Guardian. "And with us having to cope with false forms as well, we're not going to be able to withstand someone with Clow's ability. But we can't leave Sakura." He is very firm on that point. He doesn't have to tell me that. I know my duty.

I think about what Kerberos has told me, about needing another source of power. But there's no one else apart from Sakura.

Wait . . .

"There is . . . one other person . . ." I say slowly. "But 'Yukito' is . . ."

The kitchen door slides open and Sakura peeps out from behind it. "Um, about the tea . . ." She trails off as she looks at me – long white hair spilling onto the floor, great white wings nearly reaching the ceiling, exotic white clothes unlike any her friend could think up. Amethyst-blue eyes so alien to the other she knows so well.

I wonder, can she see Yukito in my face?

"Oh, Yue-san doesn't drink any," she says finally. "I forgot that." She looks at Kerberos.

She is not comfortable. "I will return to my other form," I say, already gathering my will for the change.

"Wh-what?" 

"Already?!"

I ignore them. My wings fold over myself – again, the discomforting shock of displacement as I seem to exist in two places at once . . . the wings fall away into nothingness as Yukito opens his eyes.

* * * * * * *

"Wasn't I at the door before?"

Sakura for some reason was looking rather flustered. Yukito looked at her questioningly.

"Umm, umm, umm . . ." The ten-year old glanced desperately from right to left, as if looking for someone to help. "Umm, no, you came in already and I was about to get you tea."

"I did?" Yukito scratched his head. He could have sworn he hadn't even taken his shoes off yet. He glanced down – nope, no shoes. Yet that couldn't have happened more than five or ten minutes ago. So why was his mind a complete blank?

Strange . . . and more than a little disturbing . . .

Yukito shook his head to clear it, then put it out of his mind for a moment. "Is To-ya home?"

Sakura began to look a little more comfortable at the change of conversation. "No, he's at work."

"Oh." Yukito felt rather disappointed at that, even though he knew and was used to how hard his friend worked. "Oh well, I'd better get home then."

"B-but there's still tea . . ."

"Tea?" Yukito smiled. No way he could resist Sakura's adorable blush. "I'll have a cup before I go home then."

* * * * * * * 

Sakura . . . why do you insist on doing this to yourself? Child you may be, but surely you can realise that Yukito sees you only as the sister he never had. I see you only as my new Master.

You said that you wanted us to be friends. I can try, but I doubt you will ever see me the way you do my false form. I don't think it is possible for anyone to see Yukito and Yue as the same person.

You will only hurt yourself. Even Yukito knows this.

Soon, this problem of your feelings must be dealt with.

Mine as well.

I may feel . . . something for Touya. I may love him. But what does that matter, if Touya doesn't know me, only his friend?

Touya. He has power, like that of Clow himself. Enough for me. But Yukito is his best friend. I can't do anything to my friend. I can't take away a part of him. That is unthinkable. I must find some other way . . .

Sleep . . . I am so very tired. But I can't sleep yet. Not while Yukito is dreaming.


	7. Shadows of the Moon ch6

Shadows of the Moon   
**By Leareth**

Chapter Six

It's hard trying not to fall asleep tonight. Yukito is out the moment his head hits the pillow. His sleep is troubled. I can see his dreams as clearly as I would were my own.

Even more clearly are the emotions that arise from what he dreams.

* * * * * * *

Yukito was eating lunch at school. The sun was shining warmly in the spring sky and the tree's flourishing leaves created random patterns with their shadows. He had a large roll as well. It all made him happy –

"You want a sip?"

- but having Touya with him made things even better. Yukito smiled and accepted the offered box of juice.

__

. . . so tired . . .

He was running, running down the path to the corner. His breath came out in gasps, his pale hair flew about his face – he didn't dare check his watch but he didn't need to. He didn't need time to know that he was late.

The path seemed to go on forever. The sakura trees lining it were bare of their flowers, naked branches stretching out towards the grey sky. But it couldn't be this long; he had traveled down it so many times. He was tired, his legs hurt with the running. But he never got tired so quickly.

Hurry, hurry.

Why did he feel so weak?

There! Someone was standing at the corner with a bike. He smiled with relief and forced himself to run faster. They were going to be late for school if he didn't hurry.

"To-ya . . ."

He came closer, tongue ready with apologies for his tardiness – and stopped.

Akizuki's eyes sparkled at him from over Touya's shoulder. As he took one shaking step closer, she suddenly drew her lips away from the young man's neck. To his horror, Touya slumped over, falling heavily and sprawling ungracefully on the cold pavement. The blue eyes were closed as the bike toppled to the ground, wheels spinning to a halt.

"To-ya!"

Frantically he ran up to his friend, bending over searching for any sign of life. He grasped the blue school blazer and turned the unconscious form over. He placed one pale hand to his friend's neck, where Akizuki had kissed.

Touya was cold.

"Too late."

He jerked his head around, and his eyes widened with shock.

Akizuki stood above him. Was it his imagination or were her eyes an unnatural shade of pink? Not just her eyes, but her long hair too. As he blinked frightened tears away it seemed that there was the faintest hint of wings, large, dark butterfly wings protruding from her back. He didn't care about that – all that mattered at the moment was that Touya was lying as if dead on the cold, hard path. But all his efforts at revival were in vain.

Akizuki laughed at him.

"Too late," she said, smirking at him. "Why'd you wait so long?"

"NO!"

I jerk awake, arms flailing wildly as I thrash my way into a sitting position, the bedsheets tangled around my body -

What?

I was asleep. And now –

Oh no.

Calm . . . concentrate . . . separate.

* * * * * * *

Yukito blinked and held a hand to his head. He looked at his hand in surprise. It was shaking.

* * * * * * *

I feel . . . fear.

* * * * * * *

That dream – what in the world? What did Akizuki do to Touya?

* * * * * * *

I fear I'm losing control.

* * * * * * *

But it wasn't just the fact that Akizuki had hurt Touya. It was the way she hurt him.

And that disturbed him even more.

Why?

He felt his eyes glaze over.

So tired . . .

* * * * * * *

I send Yukito to sleep before he can think too hard. I don't want him to worry. Even if reality is grim, at least my fantasies can be happy.

But what did that dream mean? What did Akizuki do to Touya?

More importantly – whose dream was it?

* * * * * * *

"Youko-san, have you seen To-ya?"

The president of the drama club looked at Yukito in surprise. "No, I haven't. Don't you know where he is?"

Yukito shook his head and Youko's eyes went wide.

"Wow . . . this must be the first time this has happened!" the girl exclaimed. "You two always know what's happening with each other! Is he at a meeting or something?"

The pale boy shook his head again. "No, he doesn't have one on."

Youko sighed. "Sorry, I can't think of anything else. If you don't know where Kinomoto-san is then there's no way I would know!"

Yukito thanked her before continuing on his search, walking past the fence between Seijou and Tomoeda again for the third time that lunch break. His arms were getting rather tired from carrying his large bag of lunch. Where was Touya? He didn't have club meeting, he didn't have soccer game, so they should be having lunch together. But Touya had disappeared from their usual spot in the brief period when Yukito had gone to the canteen to buy lunch. Why? He never left without saying anything to his best friend! 

Yukito felt rather hurt.

A small figure standing on the other side of the fence drew him out of his bemusement. It was Sakura's friend, Li. He seemed to be staring intently at something. What was it, wondered Yukito curiously, making his way up behind the boy who was too deep in thought to notice his approach.

It was a teddy bear. Yukito smiled.

"How cute . . ."

Li jumped slightly at the unexpected voice and turned around slowly. His face was slightly pink, Yukito noticed as he smiled in greeting.

"Hello," he said, adjusting his grip on his lunch.

The boy's face turned red and he tried to hide the teddy bear behind his back. "Um, h-hi!" His eyes fell to the bag Yukito was holding and went wide.

Yukito noticed what he was looking at. "You hungry?" he asked. "I have a pork bun in here somewhere if you'd like." He stuck an arm into the bag and began to rummage around for the wayward snack. Finding it at the bottom, he pulled it out and offered it to the Chinese boy who nearly dropped his bear, so flustered was he.

"Um, t-t-t-thanks!"

Yukito smiled. "You're welcome. Mind if I eat with you?" he asked. He was feeling rather lonely since Touya had run off and left him without saying anything.

Was it his imagination or was there steam coming out of Li's ears? And he looked as red as a beetroot – was he ill?

* * * * * * *

Now this is just getting ridiculous.

* * * * * * *

The boy mustn't be feeling well if he wasn't eating, thought Yukito. He wolfed down his extra-long sandwich while beside him on the bench Li stared at his barely touched bun, the teddy bear beside him.

"That's a cute bear," said Yukito when he had polished off his lunch. "Can I see it?"

Li (still slightly red) jerked his head up at the question, then fumbled for the bear. "S-s-sure!"

Yukito held it gently in his hands. It was a very nice bear, firm enough to sit up on its own but soft enough to cuddle. Its glass eyes twinkled in the afternoon sun, a perpetual smile on its face lightening Yukito's spirits. Very well made too.

"Did you make it?" Yukito asked curiously.

The boy bobbed his head in affirmation. Yukito was extremely impressed.

"Who are you going to give it to?" he asked teasingly.

Caught up in his admiration for the teddy, he didn't realise that Li had frozen as if someone had just whacked him on the back of the head with a board until the boy had leapt up from his seat and shook his head so wildly it was a blur, yelling, "WHY ON EARTH WOULD I WANT TO GIVE IT TO HER?!"

Yukito stared at him startled. Maybe the heat had got to him? But it wasn't summer any more. Before he could say anything or offer to take him to the school nurse, Li had dashed off so fast he was trailing dust clouds. 

"Wait!" called out Yukito, holding up the teddy. "You left this!"

It wasn't any use. In no time at all Li was out of sight, leaving his bear behind and Yukito alone.

Yukito blinked. "Wha-? Why is everyone leaving me today?"

* * * * * * *

I shake my head – or I would. I suppose I should feel pleased that so many people are attracted to Yukito. But strangely enough, I don't. I don't want to hurt anyone, not Sakura, not Clow's nephew.

Clow's nephew – he said 'her'? Who is this her that brought such a strong reaction from him?

Her . . . 

Is there someone he has feelings for. _True_ feelings, as opposed to merely the attraction of power he feels to me?

Rapid footsteps coming in my direction . . . it's the boy again, running like the wind. Exactly in the same manner in which he ran from me. He looks even more troubled than when he left.

Perhaps it is about time I intervened, instead of hiding and hoping everything will work out fine without me.

Yukito doesn't even have time to notice Syaoran's reappearance before I take over. The boy doesn't realise Yukito has disappeared, so wrapped up in his heart is he. His face is flushed as he runs nearly doubled over. Suddenly he stops and straightens as if a thought has occurred to him.

"Is this . . ." I hear him say to himself, "the same as when I am with him?"

So there really is someone else he acts so . . . flustered around apart from me.

"No," I say, unfurling my wings in mid air. "It is not."

The last of the magic power fades from the air as I shake myself free of my false form. I open my eyes – Li is standing there staring at me, surprise having shaken him out of his stupor.

"Yue!"

I gaze at him seriously. This affair has gone on long enough. With Sakura, it has been too long. At least with this boy, he won't hurt.

"You, with the blood of Clow . . . your confusion when you see Yukito is merely due to the magic in him," I say softly. Who is this person this boy feels strongly for as he does for me? "Calm yourself and face your heart."

Expressing feelings has never been my strength. But I should try – it is the least I owe this child for all the trouble Yukito puts him through.

"When you do that, then you will know who is truly in your thoughts."

Hmm. That actually didn't sound too bad.

Actually, going by Li's reaction, perhaps it sounded rather good. He stops and stares at the ground, a closed hand over his chest, no longer looking outwards but inwards. 

"Who I think of . . ." he says hesitantly.

For a long while he is silent. I can almost see how my words are taken to heart. I wonder, who is it he is thinking of?

Such a mature look for someone so young.

He's doing better than me, I must say.

"It will be good when 'Yukito' realises this also . . ."

Li looks me curiously. "Huh?"

I didn't mean to say that aloud!

I take the easy way out of avoiding uncomfortable questions.

I run away.

* * * * * * *

That was weird. He could have sworn he had been sitting on the bench a second ago. And yet here he was about ten meters from it. 

"Um . . ." Yukito scratched his head – hmm, his headache was back as well. He didn't recall walking anywhere. And he was sure Li had gone off somewhere – or maybe not, since the boy was looking at him curiously. "Why is it lately I've been waking up in different places?" he wondered aloud. He noticed that Li had a large sweatdrop on his head.

__

. . . the teddy bear.

Teddy? Yukito glanced down as he realised he was holding something in his hands. Oh, _this_ teddy, Li's teddy, the one Li had made and nearly left behind. Well, now that explained everything.

"Here," said Yukito kindly. "You forgot this so I ran after you."

Li looked at him. There was something . . . different in his gaze as he looked up at the older boy. He looked . . . older, thought Yukito.

Children these days. They grew up so fast.

He pressed the toy into the boy's hands.

"You went to a lot of work to make this," he continued. "You should give it to someone special. Right?"

Slowly, Li took it from him. He held it close and stared at it for a long moment. Then he looked back up at Yukito with a resolute and determined smile, one of the few he had ever seen. His blush was also virtually gone. It suited him well, he thought.

"Thank you."

* * * * * * *

That was easier than I thought. I suppose it helps that Clow's nephew has another dear to his heart.

Sakura on the other hand . . .

I don't know what to do. I don't want to hurt her. If I tell her, then her heart will be sad. But if I leave things be, then she will merely become more and more attached to Yukito. And then what will happen when – if, I disappear?

Yukito leans on a tree and holds a hand to his head as a wave of dizziness pours through me. I've spent too much of my power already changing when I should really be conserving it to support myself. But I suppose it was worth it if it puts the heart of Clow's nephew on the right track.

I think back to his reaction and sigh. How can a mere child of ten years be so much wiser than me? With a few words he already knows the truth of his feelings. 

When will Yukito realise what he feels for Touya?

* * * * * * *

The sunny smile that usually graced Yukito's face was all but gone as he walked into the classroom at the end of lunch. That disorientating meeting with Sakura's friend had cheered him up slightly, but it was the only positive thing that afternoon. He was feeling slightly ill and his mind had a hard time concentrating on things. It kept wanting to go to sleep. He was still hungry too. 

Touya having disappeared from the face of the earth for the whole lunch period didn't make him feel any better either. If anything, it made him feel worse.

With a heavy sigh, Yukito slid the classroom door open.

A roomful of eyes looked up at him from their desks.

Yukito blinked.

"You're late, Tsukishiro-san" he heard a voice say. Yukito turned slightly to his right and blinked again at the curious expression on the teacher's face. Late? Quickly he checked his watch. It was true – he was late. Where had time gone? It seemed to passing inordinately slow today . . .

"I'll let you off this time," the teacher said, probably seeing Yukito's rueful expression. "Just don't let it happen again."

Cheeks flushing hotly (he was never late for class!) Yukito made his way past the rest of the students to his desk staring at the floor.

"Yuki, what's wrong?"

That voice made him look up. Touya had taken advantage of the teacher having turned to write on the board and was looking up from his work with a frown on his face. "Where were you at lunch?" he whispered.

Yukito sat down and quickly pulled out the appropriate book. "I was looking for you," he whispered back. "Where were you?" he asked, trying to keep the question as casual as possible.

The teacher turned back. "Ok, now starting with question six, to get the anti-derivative of this function we . . ."

Touya rolled his eyes behind his math book. "I _had_ just gone off to get a book but-"

"Touya-kun was with me!"

Both boys looked up at the hissed whisper to Touya's left. Akizuki was half out of her desk leaning on the edge of Touya's. She had a large shining smile on her face, taking no notice of the dark glare and curious look she was being given.

". . . the quadratic function becomes a . . ."

"Why were you with Akizuki, To-ya?" asked Yukito, trying to do his problems and talk at the same time.

The other boy rolled his eyes slightly. "She -"

"I wanted company for lunch, so I asked Touya-kun to eat with me and he did!" replied Akizuki gaily, overriding Touya's reply.

" . . . thus by getting this new rule we can find . . ."

"Actually, it was more like she leapt out of nowhere, grabbed my arm and hauled me off before I could say anything," growled Touya.

Yukito looked at his friend curiously. "Why didn't you tell me you were going to eat with Akizuki-san?"

Touya turned to look at his best friend, but was distracted as a pencil 'accidentally' fell under his desk.

"Touya-kuuuun, can you get that for me?" asked Akizuki sweetly.

Yukito's eyes widened behind his glasses. He had never heard his friend use _that_ word before as Touya leaned out of his chair after the wayward pencil.

Over his back, Akizuki gave Yukito a smug grin. Yukito stared at her. Was it his imagination or were her eyes _pink_?

"Tsukishiro-san! Have you done all the questions already?"

Yukito jumped in his seat as the teacher gave him a hard look from across the room.

"Um, not quite." Face flushing he bent diligently over his work, missing the murmured whispers around the classroom about the unusual behaviour of one of the two best students in class.

He also missed the look Touya was giving him.

* * * * * * *

Touya was with Akizuki the whole time? What was he doing with her?

Or, what was she doing with him?

That dream Yukito – no I, had last night. Is it a foretelling? Or merely a product of my – our, imagination?

Either way, I don't like it. I don't like Akizuki. Why won't Yukito do anything?

It's because he still doesn't know why he feels this way, this emotion that I am trying to deny.

When will Yukito realise what he feels for Touya?

Maybe only when I accept it.

Behold, the Void @ http://doki3.net/void/


	8. Shadows of the Moon ch7

Shadows of the Moon   
**By Leareth**

Chapter Seven

The more I think about what to do about Sakura the less certain I get. If I tell her the truth I will hurt her. I f I wait to tell her I will hurt her. Either way, the child Mistress of the Cards will not fare well. I know in the long run it is probably better for me to speak up now, lest she lose any chance of finding one she truly loves. But me being me, a cowardly creature afraid of his own feelings, cannot do it.

I have a duty to protect Sakura from anything that may cause her harm. But does that also include protecting her against herself? She tries so hard to please Yukito, giving him cakes and presents as wordless proof of her affection.

How would she feel, knowing she has lost to her elder brother?

* * * * * * *

Yukito hummed to himself as he cleaned up the dishes from his large dinner. He could see the full moon shining from behind the clouds in the early night sky. It was starting to get cold nowadays, so he had on a V-necked jumper over his shirt – absently he pushed the sleeves up again as they slid down his slender arms dangerously close to the water in the sink. Going through the usual daily routines of house chores was making him feel better after that day at school.

Indeed, things had not gone well. He hadn't managed to complete the physics test that morning, handing it in with the last five questions unanswered. The annoying thing was that he _knew_ that he could do them given the chance. It is just that his mind had felt so foggy that trying to put tension and vectors and what not together had been like trying to swim through quicksand. And that afternoon he had had another fainting spell. Yukito hoped that he hadn't frightened Sakura's friend when he had fallen over suddenly.

But while Yukito had gotten over those enough to put them out of his mind so that they didn't worry him anymore, the fact that Touya had left him and gone off with Akizuki that afternoon still bothered him.

He didn't know why.

Yukito sighed, silvery hair falling into his glasses as he bowed his head over the sink. His headache was coming back. Slowly he forced his head up and looked out the window. The pale moonlight cast its light over the garden, making all the colours seem washed out. It was pretty, but even that seemed lukewarm at most. Strange, because Yukito had always found that he was more active and awake during the period of the full moon.

What was happening to him? Was he sick?

The sound of the doorbell brought him out of his introspection. Who on earth could be calling at this hour?

Quickly he wiped his hands dry and pressed the intercom on the wall. "Yes?"

Somewhere on the other end he could hear muffled whispers. "Um, um . . . it's Sakura."

Sakura-chan? Yukito smiled happily.

"I'll be right there!"

Immediately he took off his apron and hastily made his way to the door.

* * * * * * *

Why is the Card Captor here? I stretch out my senses as Yukito unlocks the door . . . Sakura is not alone. Kerberos's sunny aura is easily evident, somewhere behind the hedge it seems. And Tomoyo is also present.

Sakura and her retainers. Have they found another strange occurrence and are asking for me to come and help them?

Yukito opens the door. Sakura stands on the doorstep looking extremely embarrassed. She's dressed in an ensemble for winter – black coat and skirt with knee-high shoes, plus gloves and a hat all decorated with tartan around the hem. It doesn't look like one of those 'battle costumes' Tomoyo usually thinks up. It looks more like Sakura is going out to a dinner or a party or a –

Or a date.

I sigh. So she's not here to see me. She's here to see my false form.

"Good evening!" says Yukito with a dazzling smile.

Sakura turns a pretty blush pink. I see that she's holding a carefully wrapped bag in her arms. "G-g-good evening!" she stammers in reply. Hastily she shoves the bag forward. "Here!"

Another present. I would groan and hold my head in my hands if I could. Not that I don't _like_ being appreciated, it's just that it's not a good thing to encourage Sakura anymore.

Yukito leans over to take it. "For me?"

Sakura wordlessly nods. Maybe I should decline it. But I don't want to hurt her feelings.

"Can I open it?" Yukito asks.

More nodding. She reminds me of Clow's distant nephew when she does that.

* * * * * * *

Sakura was shuffling nervously as the cloth fell away. Yukito's eyes widened behind his glasses.

"Wow!"

* * * * * * *

Oh wonderful. It's a teddy bear, very similar to the one the Li boy had.

What is it with bears today anyway? The Li boy had one for someone, Sakura has one for Yukito and I think there were a couple of girls in class today who had teddies as well. Teddy bears seem to be special presents.

Special presents, for special people.

* * * * * * *

"Did you make this?"

"Y-yes . . . I'm not very good though."

"Thank you very much," said Yukito happily, cuddling the toy close. "I'll treasure it always."

* * * * * * *

I look at Sakura as I hear Kerberos and Tomoyo talking behind the hedge. She stands before me with a dreamy smile on her face as she gazes at Yukito. She looks so happy, seeing that Yukito is pleased with her gift.

I remember how sad she was during the Judgement, when she found out that she had to fight her 'special person', and what the Disaster was. I realise that I don't want to see that sad face again. A smile suits her so much better. 

I just wish that she would smile like that at me, instead of at my false form. 

* * * * * * *

Was it his imagination or could Yukito hear whispers from behind his hedge? He ignored at as he looked admiringly at Sakura's teddy again. Of course, he remembered now that it was traditional for people to make teddy bears as gifts for people who were special to their heart. He felt very happy that Sakura held him in such high esteem.

Idly he wondered what would Touya do if Yukito were to make him a teddy.

Suddenly the teddy seemed to glow. Yukito stared in utter surprise as it began to levitate out of his hands. The light grew brighter and brighter – Yukito took a step back, threw up a hand to shield his eyes . . . and his mind went blank.

* * * * * * *

Quickly I shake my wings and hair free. It took a lot of power to force the transformation so quickly – I'm going to pay for this tomorrow I'm sure. But the sudden rush of adrenaline is enough to wake me up, causing the lethargy that has been the norm these last few days to disappear. And it's a good thing too. Sakura's teddy –

I blink and stare. The teddy has grown to titanic proportions, looming over Yukito's house. Its smile doesn't seem too friendly anymore. I take an instinctive step back, reaching out to bring Sakura with me. She's standing there gaping.

"Look out!" I hear Kerberos yell. I risk a glance towards the hedge – he and Tomoyo have leapt out of hiding (looks like she did bring her camera after all). I feel a rush of wind – the teddy is coming towards us and is about to bring its massive paw down onto Sakura. She's blinded by the debris that flies up from the ground.

Silly girl! Can't she move? Immediately I spread my wings and swoop to grab her. Just in time too – I can feel the force of a near miss hard on my feet. Sakura latches her arms around my neck and I struggle to fly higher –

- she's so heavy, or is it just me?

Blood rushes in my ears and the world swims before my eyes. No, not now! Why must this weakness strike now? Quickly, must find a place to land before –

- my wings disappear out of existence.

"KYAAAAAAAAAH!"

Even Sakura's scream beside my ear as we fall out of the sky seems far away. Leaves and twigs whip against me as I plummet past them – somehow I don't know how I think I manage to keep a hold on Sakura. My back hits a branch and breaks it off and a stabbing pain shoots through my body, I think I'm going to faint. Sakura, Sakura – somehow I twist myself so that I'm underneath her -

__

PAIN

We hit the unforgiving ground with a thud that vibrates through my every being. Distantly I hear Kerberos yelling his little head off, Tomoyo's high cries for her friend overriding his. There's a weight on top of me – Sakura – too heavy, I can't breathe . . .

"Are you alright?" I hear Tomoyo ask frantically.

Do I look alright? Wait – she's asking Sakura, not me.

The weight shifts and suddenly I can breath again. I just lie there where I've fallen, squeezing my eyes shut as I try to keep from passing out completely. I've failed in my duty. I can't help Sakura. I'm useless in this state.

"I'm ok!" Sakura replies, her voice shaken but otherwise steady. "Yue-san protected me!"

Yes I did. That's my duty after all. To protect my master with my own life if necessary.

The darkness is relaxing. Maybe I should just let go . . . 

No. A pair of small gloved hands is under my shoulders, awkwardly raising me into a sitting position. My head swims and I would fall back again if it wasn't for Sakura holding me.

"Are you all right?" I hear her say.

What? I force my eyes open and look at her suspiciously.

"Are you all right?" she repeats. I look at her closely with foggy eyes. Is it my imagination or does she look . . . worried?

". . . . yeah," I say slowly, despite the fact that speaking makes my ears ring.

"Really?" Sakura says insistently. I lift my head to see her better from behind a curtain of white hair. "Really and truly?"

What is this? You're my master, you don't need to worry about me.

" . . . Really," I reply with as much reassurance as possible. That tone of voice doesn't feel natural, it comes out almost suspicious. Which I am.

Suddenly she smiles at me. Not the small childish smile, but the dazzling one with her whole heart. The one she usually reserves for Yukito.

"I'm glad . . ." she says. Her voice is gentle. She really means it.

I'm rather taken aback.

I want to ask her – did you really mean it that night on the Final Judgement when you said you wanted to be my friend? But then she reaches a hand inside her coat and brings out her Key. The beautiful smile on her face disappears to be replaced by a determined look. She steps away from me and holds the Key on her outstretched hand as Tomoyo comes to take her place supporting me.

"Key that contains the power of the stars!"

Yes, Sakura.

"Reveal thy true form before me!"

You can do this.

"By our contract, thus I, Sakura, command you!"

I know you can.

"RELEASE!"

Magic streaks in as if from the silver lights in the sky above. The Key glows, expands and hovers in the air before Sakura. She spreads her arms wide as if to embrace the Staff.

Her Staff. Her magic

Her magic that I can't use.

"Kero-chan!" Sakura darts a glance behind her at me, Kerberos and her friend. "Protect Tomoyo-chan and Yue-san!"

Tomoyo-chan _and_ me? I need protecting now? I glare at the little stuffed toy floating in the air in front of me. I don't need anyone's protection, least of all from Kerberos.

I watch as Sakura raises a card high. Magic seems to rise from her hand up the thin card and it glows like a star. Suddenly I feel drained . . .

"It changed again!" yells Kerberos.

What? I weakly raise my head – yes, the Sun Guardian is right. Again, Clow's symbol has changed subtly. A Star now dominates with the Sun and Moon depicted on either side of the picture – it's the 'Jump' card. It's Sakura's card now, using her own magic.

And me? She can't afford to spare me some of her power – I hold a hand to my head and try to shake the dizziness away. It doesn't work.

"JUMP!"

I close my eyes to shut out the sight of Sakura bouncing around like a grasshopper, agilely dodging the bulkier giant teddy's blows. I can't help her.

"Are you all right?" I hear a sweet voice ask.

I don't answer.

Crashes, sounds of tile cracking against tile and destruction.

"It's destroying Yukito-san's house!" Sakura cries out from somewhere high above.

My house . . .

"How do I stop the bear?!"

I struggle to stand – my legs give out and I fall heavily onto Tomoyo. "Magic . . . magic is animating the bear," I gasp out. I hope Sakura can hear me. I cough and speak louder. "Find the . . . find the source . . . of the magic . . ."

Even speaking feels like I'm trying to move a house.

"That's it!" yells Kerberos. "Find the source of the magic that's manipulating the bear!"

Great. I'm even needing an intermediary to get my messages across.

"What's a source?" Sakura asks frantically.

Tell me I didn't hear that. Does she need everything explained to her?

"The point where the magic is strongest!" Kerberos replies.

I shouldn't be so harsh. Sakura is only ten years old, not someone like Clow Reed.

Clow.

I feel so weak.

I close my eyes and stretch out my senses. Even if I can't fight, I can help Sakura locate the source of the magic. Somewhere, somewhere . . . everything is a blur, I can't distinguish one aura from another. There's Sakura shining like a star, Kerberos with the Sun, the bear . . .

"The ear!"

Sakura found it first.

"Cut if off!"

Kerberos and Sakura work well together. I just sit here, leaning on Tomoyo doing nothing.

"SWORD!"

A rush of power from Sakura – again, I feel the weakness. I try to look up at the moon, the full moon, my symbol, my power . . . even that does nothing for me.

I'm falling and no one is even noticing.

Sounds of fighting – the wings on Sakura's heels are a blur as she leaps from place to place sword in hand as she tries to cut the bear's ear off. But you can't change trajectory in the middle of a jump and the bear is moving with a slow grace despite its size. Everything must be considered – angles, velocity, height . . . Yukito learnt all of this for a physics test he didn't even finish.

"I can't reach!?" Sakura slices futilely down again at the peak of her leap, hanging weightless in the air –

The bear –

Before I can muster enough strength to shout, the bear slams its paw into Sakura, throwing her. Somehow she manages to twist in mid air so she lands on her feet like a cat on the roof of Yukito's house. Who's going to clean up?

"It's no good!" I hear Kerberos yell. "You need 'Fly' and you can't use the wings on the staff and use the staff as 'Sword' at the same time!"

I can fly. If I had the strength maybe I could carry Sakura to the point where she can cut off the bear's ear, or even slice it off myself with an arrow of light . . .

The bear strikes again, bringing its paw down onto the roof where Sakura is. She jumps off just in time as the bear sends a shower of tiles into the air. 

"Watch out!" screams Sakura.

Belatedly I look up. The roof tiles come towards us like hard rain. I force my legs to move and try to pull Tomoyo away – I'm not moving fast enough, Tomoyo will get hurt and there's not a thing I can do about it –

__

LIGHT

Sweeping white wings enfold us, the tiles striking the feathers harmlessly and sliding off like water. I struggle to stand and turn – Kerberos is there in all his glory as the Sun Guardian protecting Sakura's friend and me.

He's never had to protect me before.

"Aren't you going to thank me?" he growls, Kansai accent thick.

I glare at him. "Don't push it."

Kerberos grins. "You're welcome."

Really, he is just too much sometimes.

Where is Sakura? Is she alright? I work myself free of Kerberos' wings and search the area. She's kneeling on a nearby roof – all the lights of that neighboring house are out, thank goodness, the last thing we need is to take care of a group of gawking civilians here in this mess as well. Her pretty clothes are torn but she looks unhurt. She holds a card close to her heart and shuts her eyes. It's almost as if she's praying.

What is she praying for?

"FLY!"

I gasp. Like a newborn butterfly Sakura shrugs off her coat. A pair of glowing white wings emerges from her back. They stretch wide as if tasting air for the first time. They lift Sakura into the air – for one second she floats, eyes closed like an angel. The wings beat once, twice, then in a regular rhythm as they carry her high.

She used 'Fly' on herself.

"SWORD!"

And that leaves her free to use 'Sword' on the staff.

Once she has both 'Fly' and 'Sword' the battle is quickly over. Sakura soars into the air, sword raised aloft – then like an eagle she dives and in one swift motion, slices the ear of the titanic bear off. It falls, trailing stuffing and –

And a card.

Once the magic is gone, the bear shudders. It freezes and with a low hum that makes me clench my teeth it shrinks as rapidly as it grew. It falls to the pavement, one arm out-stretched, a toy thrown aside. Tomoyo picks it up.

"Well done, Sakura!" Kerberos compliments.

I watch expressionlessly. I'm always watching nowadays. Watching Sakura, watching Kerberos. Watching the way Tomoyo does with her camera. Tomoyo has no magic. All she can do is bring her camera to look through.

And now that's all I can do.

Sakura feet, dainty in their stockings, alight on the ground. Her sword morphs back into the Staff, though her wings do not yet disappear. Curiously she picks up the card.

"This is . . ."

Her eyes widen as the three of us, Kerberos, Tomoyo and I make our way over to Sakura. Tomoyo gives her the bear. The ear is torn.

"Your place is one bonafide disaster area," comments Kerberos, flicking a wingtip at Yukito's house.

What? I shake off Tomoyo's supporting arm as I stand. I am not an invalid. Even so, I hide the fact that I stumble over my own hair as my amethyst eyes sweep the area. The place is littered with debris, tiles scattered around the grass which is dug up showing dark earth beneath. Branches from the trees litter the ground making the garden one large obstacle course. The roof of the house is the worst – in some places it is bare of cover and I think I even see a hole somewhere.

"Don't worry, Yue-san," says Sakura reassuringly. "We'll help clean up-"

Suddenly she stops as she looks at her watch. "Ho-eeeee!" she wails. "I was supposed to be home ages ago! Onii-chan is going to absolutely kill me!"

"We'd better get going then," says Kerberos. He shuts his eyes and his wings sweep over him. When they pull back into nothingness, the Sun Guardian is back a little stuffed toy. "You don't want your brother coming looking for you and asking questions."

Sakura nods. Then she turns to me apologetically.

"I'm so sorry, Yue-san." She truly does look regretful as she glances at the mess of Yukito's house. "I would stay, but . . ."

I don't want to hear. I don't want to know. I shut my eyes and sleep.

* * * * * * *

"HO-EEEEEEEEE!"

Yukito blinked and rubbed his eyes. "Huh? What am I doing outside?" He looked in front of him. "Sakura-chan? What's the matter?"

Sakura gripped the funny baton she was holding tightly, then quickly hid it behind her back. "Uh, uh, um . . ." She looked desperately around as if for help.

"You came to walk us to the gate as we were leaving," said Tomoyo smoothly.

"I did?" Yukito scratched his head, then changed the action to rub his temples. His headache had come back, worse than ever. And he was feeling really sore as well, as if he had been playing sport all day. "Funny, I don't remember putting on any shoes . . ." He turned around to look back at the front door and his eyes widened in shock.

"What on earth happened to my house?"

Sakura gulped. Even usually calm Tomoyo looked slightly uncomfortable. "Umm, umm . . ."

"Was there a big storm or something?" wondered Yukito. "But none of the other houses are damaged . . . and it must have been a really fast storm, because you just came to give me a teddy bear, right, Sakura-chan?"

At the word 'teddy' Sakura's eyes widened. "Teddy?" she squeaked. She whipped her head around to look at Tomoyo, nearly throwing the stuffed toy on her shoulder to the ground, a large sweatdrop on her head. "Um, um, I did but the ear's torn so I'll have to fix it first and-" 

"The ear's torn?" Yukito looked at the bear cuddled in Tomoyo's arms. Sure enough, an ear was missing. "I didn't know that. When did that happen?"

"Uh, uh, just now?"

"Just then?" Yukito scratched his head as he looked at his house. "Wow, that must have been one big storm then. Are you ok, Sakura-chan?"

"Y-y-yeah . . ." Sakura trailed off looking most uncomfortable. Suddenly she looked at her watch. "Oh!" she exclaimed just a bit too loudly. "I told Onii-chan that I'd be back right away!"

"Oh dear," said Yukito. He knew full well about his friend's 'sister complex'. "Then you'd better hurry home before To-ya comes looking for you."

"Y-yeah. Ja ne, Yukito-san!"

Yukito smiled and waved goodbye as Sakura dashed off, flying down the road as if she had wings, Tomoyo making a more graceful exit behind her.

As soon as they were out of sight, Yukito's hand slipped off the fence. He sat down heavily on the ground and leaned his head against the gate breathing hard.

"What's wrong with me . . ."

Tiredly he looked at his garden. Branches and tiles everywhere, his roof was badly battered – how on earth did such destruction happen to his house and he didn't notice any of it? And he had been at home the entire time! How could he not remember such a thing?

Stirrings of panic began to grip his heart again. He couldn't remember, he really couldn't remember. And the teddy bear, he could have sworn that it had an ear when Sakura had given it to him.

The whole period from when he had opened the door to see Sakura to just then was a complete blank.

"Why can't I remember anything?"

He leaned forward and leaned his head on his knees, silver hair tangled. And he was so tired, so tired . . . he felt like sleeping forever and never waking up.

Sleep . . .

It was only through strength of will than actual physical stamina that Yukito managed to drag himself to stand, make his way up the path, into the house and into bed without even changing his clothes or taking a shower.

So he slept, cold, hungry and strangely empty.

* * * * * * *

I'm useless.

I did absolutely nothing in that fight. I was supposed to protect Sakura. Instead it was myself who needed protecting as if I was someone like Tomoyo. Sakura and Kerberos did fine without me. All I did was watch.

I made Sakura worried. She worries about me.

Like a friend.

Friend. So she was telling the truth.

Friends help each other.

But how can I help Sakura when I can't even take care of myself?

I feel so weak. Tired. It would be no great thing to sleep forever and never wake up.

Would anyone miss me? Or would they miss Yukito?

I don't want to disappear. I don't want to die.

How can I survive? The moon is not enough anymore. Sakura is cannot spare anything for me, using the Cards as she does. What else can I use.

Who else?

Only one other option exists. And that option is not an option.

Touya.

I won't hurt him. Not the first person I feel this way for since Clow.

__

Clow.

Master . . .

I need you.

Behold, the Void @ http://doki3.net/void/


End file.
